It was a valid criticism. And I cannot blame him if he truly dislikes me when I don't like me, either.
He knew another Au Ra before me. She was Xaelan, not Raen, but she was a Warrior of Light. I can't help but wonder if he compares me to her and finds me lacking, leaving him resentful that I am not her. It is a possibility.
During our first meeting he commented on my race, comparing my appearance to hers. It made me uncomfortable, though I know it was not his intention. He couldn't have known that being an Au Ra in Eorzea was a dangerous thing not so long ago. It still is in some ways. Exotic things have always sold for more on the markets. I don't blame him for not knowing.
Other people have had it worse than me, so I shouldn't dwell on that part of my past, and focus more on being considerate of others. It is irrelevant now besides, as I don't need to worry about such things anymore.
My understanding was that manipulation is to conciously and intentionally mislead someone. I wonder if there is a separate word for unintentional manipulation.
I don't remember what I was thinking when I hurt you. I just remember feeling so panicked I forgot how to breathe. I was confused, and needed you to go away. Of course this is no excuse. The outcome was the same regardless if I was clearheaded or not.
Thank you for your explanation. I have only been give one example of my manipulative behaviour thus far, though it was one I've yet to understand. I was just behaving as I had been before the conversation. I think because I did not adjust my location for a video conversation that it may have become performative, to elicit sympathy? I am still not certain, so I will work on gaining better awareness of my behaviour. What you have told me will help in my efforts.
He is just trying to keep himself safe from my abuse. Again, I cannot blame him for it. I don't mind being hurt sometimes if it is ultimately of benefit. And I am learning, so ultimately whatever happens is of benefit.
A dear comrade from my home arrived recently. His name is Gaius. He is as tall as Gladio, and is in his fifties. Tan skin, greying brown hair, and bandages covering his left arm.
He was indoctrinated by the empire and has only recently defected from it. He only wants the best for others, and has a habit of taking in children in need of a guardian.
In retrospect his personality reminds me a great deal of Cor.
I think he and your father would be good friends for each other. She means that in a strictly platonic way. [ There is a small scribble of despair here as Era realizes why Esteem would clarify that, and has the brief and unfortunate mental image of Gaius van Baelsar indulging in anything the least bit non-platonic. ]
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