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Does here count?

[Because he's thinking back and trying to remember, but aside from the apology Gladio had offered last time - one he'd had some difficulty accepting - he struggles to recall. The moments where they'd come close had mostly been Gladio yelling at him for not stepping up enough. Doing his job, yes, but his job wasn't to have a gentle talk about feels with the royal he's protecting.

The longer he tries to think of a good answer, the more depressing said answer becomes.]

...Shit.

[They really don't do heart-to-heart, do they.]

[He gave a rueful smile and shrugged a single shoulder, but no, here didn't count. And he waited, and saw the light of realisation dawn in Noct's eyes. Sure they'd talked, bantered, but talking like this was something Gladio had never really done before.

At least back on Eos.]

Have to be strong, Noct. Got that drummed into me. Feelings are weakness. Can't show weakness. I was an idiot. And I did wrong by you.

Before here... I learned a few things. Learned to open up more. Sometimes it's okay to be weak. I learned to talk. But if I'd just come up to you the first day I got here and spilled everythin... Look how you reacted that first time I tried to touch you. I needed time to work up to it, and you needed time to get used to me being here. [That's why it took him so long to do this, even though he'd wanted to long before... He'd been afraid of the reaction he'd get.]

[Noctis winces, having no difficulty recalling his immediate confusion over Gladio's reach for his hand.]

I didn't mean to do that.

[He's not entirely sure if that's better or worse, if an intended response would be preferable over an instinctive flinch. He's not scared of Gladio, though maybe for a while he had been. Until they worked their way through the swamp in Cartanica he'd honestly begun to wonder if Gladio would help him out of danger like usual when they wound up in a fight. That worry had been unfounded - Gladio was committed to his duty no matter how he might've felt about his 'king' - but he couldn't deny that he'd felt it.

He shifts a bit in his seat, fingers twining in his lap again. If they're doing this now... he should probably be honest about it.]

You're not the only one who's felt like that. I couldn't keep it up the way you could, though... probably why we clashed the way we did. You called me out on everywhere I was failing.

[And perhaps why Gladio's words stung so badly back then. Healthy or not, the Shield was succeeding where the king could not. He'd felt pathetic, and the insults flung his way had rung true.]

I'm... glad you got the chance to open up like that. Keep it up, okay? It's not... bad. [A little surreal, different, but not bad.] Still working on that one, on my end. We're not our dads... we don't have to be the same kind of king and Shield that they were.

[Whether it had been meant or not, it had happened and Gladio'd had every intention of not doing it again...

He sighed.]

That's what I mean. I was an idiot. I treated you the way I'd been trained and expected the same results. It drove me crazy when it didn't work. Couldn't understand why... because I never thought to see it from your side.

[But now he did. He had. And he regretted so much... He wished he could go back and do things again. Maybe things would have gone differently? He looked down at his own hands then and gave a quiet laugh.]

You don't have to be the same, Noct... Don't have to ever open up if you don't want. Just needed you to know it won't be the same. I'm... trying. Trying to be better.

I know. It isn't like I haven't noticed.

[They learned over time what worked and what didn't, with him. Repetition, constant criticism, a demand for perfection, yelling- none of those were effective at getting Noctis to rise to the occasion and do better. The stubbornness would kick in, he'd get angry or frustrated or retreat into himself. Back when Gladio finally gave him a chance, due to saving Iris, they'd tried alternate methods: encouragement, competition, realistic challenges and goals. That train ride, Cartanica... it was like they'd forgotten for a while how far they'd come together.

Gladio's different here. But it's a familiar kind of different, one that he can work with and depend on. He can only hope to meet Gladio in the middle and hold on to the changes he's found in himself, too.]

I wanna be able to do it, though. Trusting you guys, being honest... I don't want to end up regretting stuff, later.

["Later" could mean a lot of things, admittedly. Later here, with them all together but drifting because he's failed to hold them together by hiding how he feels. Later on Eos, when ten years apart could break their tight brotherhood and leave far too many things unsaid. Later when he's gone and can't tell them anything at all anymore.

He'd prefer not to carry any of it to his grave, but he still hasn't decided about the big one when it comes to Prompto and Gladio. Does he ask, if he knows all the way up to the Crystal anyway? Would that give it away? Gods, he doesn't know.]

[Leaning to the side, Gladio pressed his shoulder to Nocts. He knew he'd tried being better, back home. And he knew at some point he'd failed and ruined everything. So he wanted to try a completely different track now. He wanted to try just being friends.

It had worked once. Maybe if he was lucky he could do the same here. But it was looking like it might have been harder this time around. The damage he'd done greater.]

You can trust me. But I get it, it'll take time. I'm willin to wait as long as you need.

[Noctis winces, recognizing how that must have sounded.]

That's not... it isn't just about you.

[Maybe it isn't really about trust, either. He does trust them to protect his life, watch his back in a fight. But when it comes to emotional issues, he knows Ignis or Prompto would likely give him softer responses. At least, that's how it went back home. Here, with the way Gladio's been talking, he knows it too, and might handle things differently.

It's just... habit. Instinct. Opening up to Gladio doesn't come easily to him. But there have been moments in the past where help had come from Gladio's more unique methods, so maybe if he focuses on that, it'll come easier. Same for Gladio, if he opens up in return.

First things first, though- he needs to know where he stands.]

Gladio... uh... how much did that other me tell you, about home? I know about the train, but what about up to Gralea?

["Other me". It's such a weird thing to say. He'd like to know if that other self did the work for him, though- and if not, he has some decisions to make. Maybe not now, but eventually.]

[Not just about him... He supposed it had been narcissistic of him to have thought it was. It was on his tongue to apologise, but even if it hadn't just been about him, Gladio's reply was no less valid. He'd wait as long as to took to find some even ground with everyone else. For them to realise he... cared more than they were used to him showing.

So he just nodded, and then found his eyes closing and his head tipping back against the sofa again.

This question...]

Between the other you, Prompto and Ignis... and some things that the Ardyn there said. Everything.

[Everything... everything is a lot. Though the fact that he'd heard some from Ardyn himself makes Noctis wonder how much he knew. He'd led them to the Crystal, he'd wanted Noctis to gain that power, but was it really to kill him or was he seeking freedom through death? He hates how many questions he always has, and never enough answers.]

When Cor was here, he came from after the Crystal pulled me in. Two years since anyone saw me, and no sign that I'll be back any time soon.

[Ten years, he knows now, though with no way to explain how he knows without inviting more questions he can't answer. Maybe if Pyra was okay with it, but two years is already a lot, depending on what else Gladio's heard.]

Doing my duty means... abandoning everyone else. But I can be with you guys here, and... I don't want to miss out on more than what I'm already losing. [Years of their lives, time spent with them, so many more adventures they could have shared. Looking back it's such a short amount of time, the handful of years that they've even been friends, especially compared to past generations. He'll come back and be gone again... this is all they have.] I... it means a lot. That you're here.

Ardyn... was from a time after the crystal. After a fight. With you. And after that... a strange death game where he'd apparently changed. [A small pause, because he hadn't even told the other Ardyn he'd known. He'd pretended not to...] He was mortal when he showed up on the train.

[His eyes slowly opened again, and once more he turned his head to look Nocts way. When he spoke, his tone was low and serious.]

I don't know if there's a way to stop you... abandoning us. But if there is, we'll find it. And if not... we just have to make every moment count, so there's no regrets. I don't want you to regret a damn thing, Noct.

Edited 2021-01-16 21:17 (UTC)

[After the fight... after he died, then. So he must've known everything. The idea of that sounds unspeakably cruel- to be dragged back from a lonely, immortal existence finally ended to living again somewhere else? At least he'd been mortal again. Still, Noctis wouldn't have wished that on his worst enemy. (Which. Izunia literally was.)

He has a feeling there's nothing that anyone can do to pull him back out of the Crystal, and an even bigger feeling that his final departure can't be prevented, but... he appreciates the sentiment anyway, and it musters a small smile from his lips as he glances back at Gladio.]

Off to a good start here, right? [Maybe not the actual start as in day one, since things have been kind of awkward, but this is an improvement. He lifts a fist to bump it against Gladio's chest.] Got a hug and everything, never saw it coming.

It's a start, yeah.

[He chuckled, more at the fist bump than the words. Though Nocts next did get a laugh, though there was a slight edge to it.]

A hug from Prince Noctis. Yeah, never saw that coming...

But we're alright, yeah? You and me. We're on the right track?

We're okay.

[He doesn't let himself pause to think about it, else he might second-guess himself. He wants to be okay, more than anything. This awkwardness isn't like them, and it isn't Gladio's fault- he hasn't experienced what happened yet. It means that his apology isn't as gratifying (it feels weird to get one from someone who hasn't done the thing yet) but it still counts, and he doesn't doubt Gladio's sincerity. He can't hold a grudge for the same reason the apology is weird. It's sort of like Ardyn, here, for the same two reasons.

If he can forgive Ardyn for his future transgressions, Gladio is much easier to accept back into his life.]

I'll try not to make it weird anymore. Just call me out on it if it happens.

Its fine, Noct. I get it.

[He really did. It was hard, he had memories of him that Gladio had only heard about. His own memories held him back some, but he was doing his best.

Moving to the edge of the sofa though, Gladio looked about ready to call it a day. He'd done what he'd set out to do, but now he needed to go and psyche himself up for dealing with the others.]

Just... thanks for hearin me out. Means a lot.

[Noctis shrugs, recognizing the signs, and moves to rise as well.]

No reason not to. We won't get anywhere by not talking at all.

[Actually opening up is harder, but he does know that normalcy comes easier if you keep trying.]

I'll keep an eye out for your invite.

[And he's kind of... excited?? Training with Gladio again! It's been so long.]

[He pushed himself up to his feet and turned with a grin.]

You better. Imagine how bad you'd feel standin me up?

[There was a laugh in his tone, he was teasing. Whether Noct showed up or not wouldn't change the outcome, he'd work out on his own, but the company would be very welcome.]

No need to get up. I'll see myself out.

I'll see you soon, Noct.

[He had to admit, he was happier for this. It was a weight off of his shoulders. At least one of them. There were still a couple holding him down, but that would come in time.

Gladio lifted a hand in a brief wave before he took himself out to the front door to get his boots on. Then with a quiet snick the door closed behind him and he headed on home. He had plenty to think about.]

Right... see ya.

[Noctis doesn't get up, merely watches him go and then... exhales, leaning back and feeling lighter than he had when they started. Baby steps. He keeps reminding himself that those are okay. What's important is that they're here, Gladio doesn't hate him, and they have a chance to make things right.

He's definitely going to get up for training. At least the first time, properly. He wouldn't miss it for the world.]

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