[A relieved and grateful look crosses his face when she answers, confirming his hope, and he's able to relax a little. At the core of him still exists - and always will - that desire and need to make people happy; the goal of this is not to squash that desire but to make sure it doesn't supercede his own happiness. He can work on that, but he doesn't want it to come at the expense of someone he loves. It might be a hard balance to find. At least with her, it's much, much easier, and for that he's both glad and grateful.
Next, what will he do... what does he want to do. Both good questions. He purses his lips and tilts his head into her stomach, his gaze drifting up the hill as he mulls it over.]
I'm... not really sure. Nothing yet, I... think. I told her what I thought last time, and when she reached out after it was for all the wrong reasons. I don't... want to ask anything of her. Not if she doesn't want us, or can't say she does. And not if she thinks all we ever do is ask for things.
[The fact that he couldn't even greet her at the party without her questioning him made it clear she needs to figure some stuff out. He can't do that for her. And he can't accept her terrible apologies.]
I'll figure out what I want when she sets the terms for what happens going forward. Just... [Deep breath. Putting it into practice. Not so hard, right? Hah...] Only if what she wants is good for me, too.
[ Balance is key, and this won't be the end of it. Some days it might be hard-- like this day. She hopes they'll get better, and most importantly--
"Only if what she wants is good for me, too."
--he won't feel the need to sacrifice his happiness for another. Although that, too, might take some work. Old habits and whatnot. Nevertheless, this is the conclusion he's drawn after all of their discussion, and ultimately, all she wishes to do is be there for him.
[His hands flex against her in reaction to her words, tightening gently, holding her closer. The smile is stronger this time, still tired and sad, but true, and getting better.]
I know, [he murmurs. As if it was a foregone conclusion, as if he didn't need to hear it but is glad to, anyway. She's always supported him] Thanks.
[And then, softer still, with eyes closed and face against her warmth,] I love you.
[Twenty-one years, and he'd never tackled these thoughts alone or with anything else. He can only hope he doesn't fail after everything she's done, that he can follow through on the advice she'd offered him. With her help, though, he's confident that he'll remember to try, and that isn't without meaning.]
[ Within Elysium, it's easy to set oneself apart from the world to take a moment-- or many moments-- to breathe. She finds herself returning more and more often, and whether he finds himself returning again or not, he'll be welcome. This space is for him, too: the breeze, the bells, the grass below and the sky above.
Oh, how she wants everything for him, and how she laments that some things just can't be given-- such as views he holds of himself, putting him lower or accepting being hurt-- things, habits, and beliefs that he'll have to overcome on his own terms, over time, and with both patience and balance. She'll simply have to be there to support him on his journey. ] I love you.
[ And she-- ] And... I look forward to supporting you, too. [ Because if and when he does overcome these habits, even just partially, or even just small, little victories, she wants to celebrate him for caring for himself-- because the world knows that he doesn't do it enough.
Pyra's arms find his shoulders, giving them a squeeze, her tone cautiously playful. ]
I'm going to hug you so hard every step of the way.
[That at last earns her a proper smile out of him, half-hidden where he's pressed against her. His now-free hand curls fingers around her arm, thumb rubbing idly to acknowledge the hug. It's easier to relax now that they've seemingly shifted a little bit away from the serious unboxing of his emotional mess, though he's well aware that it isn't any kind of instant fix, either. Still, this place and her company has done wonders for him, just like when he'd come home to hug her when he felt like he'd been falling apart.]
Hard enough to drag all this buried stuff out of me?
[That would be one way to get him talking. Maybe.]
Mm, well...! [ A playful glint in her eyes precedes her smile. ] If it can be done-- [ Hopefully, he's ready for a hug here and now!
Pyra shifts to lie against him, and then hugs him to her. Beneath them, the grass remains as soft as blankets. Above them, the sky is blue and clear as his eyes. Against him, she's as warm as her embrace. ]
[A muffled noise is all she gets at first; initially because she's holding him against herself, but then, as he shifts position and wraps himself tightly around her in return, because his face is buried against her shoulder. For a long moment he just... stays like that, the same way they'd started out, quiet and indulging in the sweet comfort of her presence. He wants this. He needs this. He's so, so glad she's here.
Finally he shifts his head a little, enough that she can hear him again.]
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Next, what will he do... what does he want to do. Both good questions. He purses his lips and tilts his head into her stomach, his gaze drifting up the hill as he mulls it over.]
I'm... not really sure. Nothing yet, I... think. I told her what I thought last time, and when she reached out after it was for all the wrong reasons. I don't... want to ask anything of her. Not if she doesn't want us, or can't say she does. And not if she thinks all we ever do is ask for things.
[The fact that he couldn't even greet her at the party without her questioning him made it clear she needs to figure some stuff out. He can't do that for her. And he can't accept her terrible apologies.]
I'll figure out what I want when she sets the terms for what happens going forward. Just... [Deep breath. Putting it into practice. Not so hard, right? Hah...] Only if what she wants is good for me, too.
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"Only if what she wants is good for me, too."
--he won't feel the need to sacrifice his happiness for another. Although that, too, might take some work. Old habits and whatnot. Nevertheless, this is the conclusion he's drawn after all of their discussion, and ultimately, all she wishes to do is be there for him.
There's only one thing to say about this: ]
Then, I'll support you.
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I know, [he murmurs. As if it was a foregone conclusion, as if he didn't need to hear it but is glad to, anyway. She's always supported him] Thanks.
[And then, softer still, with eyes closed and face against her warmth,] I love you.
[Twenty-one years, and he'd never tackled these thoughts alone or with anything else. He can only hope he doesn't fail after everything she's done, that he can follow through on the advice she'd offered him. With her help, though, he's confident that he'll remember to try, and that isn't without meaning.]
no subject
Oh, how she wants everything for him, and how she laments that some things just can't be given-- such as views he holds of himself, putting him lower or accepting being hurt-- things, habits, and beliefs that he'll have to overcome on his own terms, over time, and with both patience and balance. She'll simply have to be there to support him on his journey. ] I love you.
[ And she-- ] And... I look forward to supporting you, too. [ Because if and when he does overcome these habits, even just partially, or even just small, little victories, she wants to celebrate him for caring for himself-- because the world knows that he doesn't do it enough.
Pyra's arms find his shoulders, giving them a squeeze, her tone cautiously playful. ]
I'm going to hug you so hard every step of the way.
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Hard enough to drag all this buried stuff out of me?
[That would be one way to get him talking. Maybe.]
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Pyra shifts to lie against him, and then hugs him to her. Beneath them, the grass remains as soft as blankets. Above them, the sky is blue and clear as his eyes. Against him, she's as warm as her embrace. ]
Iiiisss... this hard enough for a hug?
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[A muffled noise is all she gets at first; initially because she's holding him against herself, but then, as he shifts position and wraps himself tightly around her in return, because his face is buried against her shoulder. For a long moment he just... stays like that, the same way they'd started out, quiet and indulging in the sweet comfort of her presence. He wants this. He needs this. He's so, so glad she's here.
Finally he shifts his head a little, enough that she can hear him again.]
Just... just enough. It's perfect.
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She doesn't need to look at him to see how dazzling it is, the smile she hears in his voice at last. Her arms tighten around him for a moment more. ]
Good... [ She whispers, then repeats: ] Good.
Because I'm not letting go anytime soon.