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[ She wants to argue that she's doing no such thing: he is that incredible to her... yet, she considers his words. The root cause of her feeling unworthy is that she feels she cannot match is goodness, the same goodness that's brought tears to her eyes, a smile to her face, and the feeling of having a heart. ]

That's not fair... because at the same time, I feel you really don't know how wonderful you are. [ Her hand falls from the back of his head to his shoulder. ] I can't match your light, Noct, but I love being by it.

[ But he's saying that she's good enough for him. He's said he loves her. She believes that-- the proof is here-- as much as it contradicts how unworthy she feels. How strange.

So, she amends: ]

I think--... What I'm trying to say is that... I want to be better for you.

Edited 2020-08-05 02:34 (UTC)

You don't have to be that, either.

[He leans in, bumping his forehead against hers and keeping it there, simply wanting to be close and soak in her presence.]

Just be you. That's all I want.

[They can sit here running circles around one another about how the other is wonderful and kind and good, fine, whatever. But it's not a bar that either of them should have to set and stick by all the time. There are going to be days when he's not wonderful. Her too, surely. The idea of her expectations of him remaining so high for so long is honestly terrifying.]

[ Just be herself...

They are different in this regard. She's had the luxury to be herself-- or what construct she has of herself-- this entire time, Mythra notwithstanding and some faded memories notwithstanding. Meanwhile, she presumes, he hadn't had that same luxury to be himself for a long while what with being a prince and having to keep up appearances. She knows he speaks from his heart that he doesn't want that anymore, he doesn't want others to need to pretend who they're not in front of him, just as he doesn't want to be anyone else but himself.

She also suspects that he's saying that she should be herself as she is right now. She doesn't have to think of herself as less. ]

Then you should know that the me that I am... loves you. [ With her forehead pressed to his, she closes her eyes. If he says that's enough, she can do that. She can be herself in that regard. That's easy, natural. Loving him comes so splendidly. ]

You should also know I've never been more myself than when I've been with you. [ Because she feels safe-- safe to laugh, to cry, to joke-- because he knows so much of her, because he's made her feel joy many times over. ]

[This time, his responding hum is positive, his hand sliding up to brush calloused fingers over her cheek.]

...I like that. [He likes hearing it, again and again and again.] Don't stop that part.

[He's seen the changes, big and small; how she's able to speak more honestly with him than she had in the beginning, share parts of herself she'd held secret so carefully. It's an honour to be trusted in that way, and that's something he never wants to break or misuse, even accidentally. As long as they're together, he hopes that she can always feel safe enough to be herself.]

[ As always, she leans into his textured touch. The reason she's able to be more open with him, to be herself, is not only because he understands and accepts, but because he listens. In this very unique regard among others in this world and her own, he's kind. ]

It comes with feeling brave....

But I think that-- you beat us to the point, this time. In saying "I love you".

[ She wanted to say it. She had wanted to say it for a very long while. ]

Well... you kissed first. It was my turn, I guess.

[He lifts his shoulders in a slight shrug.]

You can take the wheel for whatever's next, if you want.

I'm only happy that you said it.

[ Although she giggles at the end of it, relieved and satisfied, it's not as merry a sound as it could be. No matter what, this is still a bittersweet topic in light of the circumstances.

Him saying he loves her brings that topic back to the light: that it shouldn't just be her that gets to hear it, even if the meaning to others is less romantic. ] What's next is.... others getting to hear it, too.

[The smile slips away from his expression, changing to pursed lips and a lowered gaze. Right... right. It was a nice moment, and the distraction was so very welcome, but he can't forget the reason for it.]

...Yeah. [He exhales, a soft and cautious sigh.] No right time, huh.

[This, too, requires bravery. They'll ask questions. Some might laugh at how out of character it is for him to say. They might not understand. But like now- would he regret that more than how he regrets not being more honest with Ignis before he disappeared?]

[ No right time, would saying it be too much for him-- is what she had been worried about, stalling her tongue before. Now that she's finally said it in return, she feels as if that's all she wants to say over and over again, or encourage it from him.

Pyra turns slightly where she sits, so that she's able to rest her head upon his shoulder. ] Mm... I understand.

[ A lesson learned, this time. Late is better than never. The both of them know that time is short in their own worlds, and that their presence here is at the whim of an impromptu force no one understands. ]

But, you said it here. It's a start. You can do it.

[He makes a soft affirmative noise, tilting so his head can rest against hers in turn. He's certainly not going to jump up and start proclaiming his love at random to his friends or family right now- like that, it might feel too insincere, born out of panic after losing Ignis. It's lucky that Pyra accepted his words at face value rather than feeling that way instead. At least, if she does feel that way, she isn't saying so. He'll believe as much unless told otherwise, because the idea of hurting her with an "I love you" feels like too much of a misfire in the state he's in already. She's happy, as far as he can tell. That's enough for him.

And like she said... it's a start.]

I don't know what else to do. There's- nothing really to do about him leaving, but I can't just act like normal either.

You... shouldn't have to act 'like normal'. It's okay to feel this way.

[ He's entitled to those feelings, and she doubts anyone would or should expect him overcome another loss so soon. Will he ever catch a break, she wonders. It's been one poor circumstance or loss after another with him... ]

Would you like to reminisce about him? Or-- distract yourself? [ Like fishing. ]

[Does he? A fair question, but the answer elludes him. Thinking about Ignis hurts. He doesn't like that, when so much else hurts already. Forgetting isn't an option either - it would be impossible - but dwelling on it too much feels worse.

Maybe he's just running away again. Even if that's the case, it's... tempting. To at least try and forget a while.]

I'm... thinking distraction. It's probably better for everyone.

[Hell, even if it trips and fails with him, at least she might enjoy herself.]

[ Distraction it will be, because it's what he wants. At the very least they've talked here, which is a start. It can be either fishing or King's Knight. One is quieter and he'll be able to still think if he wishes, the other will have an outlet for venting frustration or grief in a physical way, if needed. Both seem like good opportunities for distraction.

However... ]

But what is better for you?

[ Now is not the time for him to think of everyone! ]

Aren't I a part of "everyone"?

[It's probably good for him not to be dwelling on these things too much, as well.]

[ That's not exactly her point, and she's fairly certain that he knows that. But with that, she'll let the topic slide. ]

All right. [ Gently, ] Then... Fishing? Or King's Knight.

[It's also tempting to say "both", but money and time isn't infinite. He still has responsibilities, even if they're much more limited here.]

...King's Knight okay? I wanna bash some heads for a while.

[After everything that's happened recently, he's neglected his account somewhat. He needs to get his score back up to where it belongs, or people will really notice something's wrong with him.]

[ Pyra makes to stand, giving his hand a gentle, encouraging tug to help him up. ]

Let's bash in all the heads together.

[Even if he's running away... he's okay with that, so long as she's encouraging him to keep moving. He stands as she pulls, squeezing her hand appreciatively, and lets her lead the way out of the garden.]

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