[ Once upon a time ago, they were little kids and he can't recall the first time he'd let Noctis break down on him like this. They were kids and it was over the simplest things, then the Marilith attack had happened to Noctis. He can recall many a time when his friend had needed Ignis' safety and comfort, to be shielded away from the world and the pain that it brought him.
Then there was the stress and worry over his dad dying, but it became a moot point after they left Insomnia. Lady Lunafreya's death had hit Noctis hard too, but Ignis had given him space to deal with his own grief, but Ignis himself had quite the baggage on him too. Keeping using the ring hidden, keeping the vision of Noct's fate a secret. Ignis hadn't known how to help then, other than to give Noctis space.
I have to.
No, he doesn't have to hold back, Ignis can hear the struggle in Noctis' tone not to break apart, feel his body trembling quite badly against his. Then Noctis' grip tightens around Ignis to where it's a little painful, but he can take it. He can suffer through a little bit of pain, just as long as it helps out Noctis. The tears hit his shoulder while his friend breaks down on him, the sobs breaking free.
It's all Ignis needs to break apart freely himself, the first sob breaking loose out of his own chest.
It'll be okay. Things will work out. Things that he he'll say in situations such as these, but how can he now? He can Ignis be sure that things will be okay when they're both scared to death of the future? Noctis almost died on top of that.
He doesn't say anything, but strengthen his own hold over Noctis.
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It takes a little bit for Ignis to calm down, his breathing returning to normal, the shaking lessening up. The tears are still dripping off his chin. His grip over Noctis turns from a desperate needing one back into his protective one. He rubs at Noctis' back and lets his own hand cradle the back of Noct's head, hoping to sooth him in a comforting way.
There's no need to be strong right now, even the strongest person would break apart over things like this. Ignis doesn't think Noctis to be weak at all, he's strong, stronger than Ignis ever will be. Ignis isn't the one facing a death sentence and he holds nothing but the biggest respect for Noctis for trying to come to terms with it. ]
[Noctis isn't too far behind him, his hiccuping breath easing off gradually into a softer sniffle, then silence. The only giveaway that he's still crying is the damp fabric of Ignis' shirt and the occasional shaken inhale. It's always been so, so hard to let himself cry- moreso with an audience, but even when he's on his own he's felt limited, like he'll be judged for any sign of weakness by hidden cameras always seeking out the prince to criticize him, or by the gods themselves, as if they'll regret their choice of savior. He'd never wanted either position, but the thought of giving it up wouldn't cross his mind. Too many people were depending on him. Luna, his dad. Their lives and sacrifices on the line to build him up and help him grow and succeed. Anyway, even if he wanted to, where would he run? It's not necessarily that he thinks that all tears show weakness, but... for him to cry, it must mean that he's not strong enough to endure the struggles laid on his shoulders, when the warriors he's grown up watching all seemed so unshakeable. He has to be as good as them, lest they deem him too weak to lead.
A coward, Gladio snapped. The protected, Cor told him. Years of criticism in the media and amidst the Citadel staff, whispers on the sidelines that he pretended to ignore: that Regis was too soft on him, that he was coddled and spoiled, that some aspect of his life was unseemly for a prince. It all came back to the same source- him, Prince Noctis of Lucis, grown up too weak to take on the nightmarish mantle of the world's savior.
Even now it's heavy, and as he draws his last tremulous breath before speaking, he's not sure if it helped or if he feels worse for it. Maybe there is some satisfaction in shedding tears long held back, but the aftermath is always hard. He slumps against Ignis, blinking quickly.]
...I'm tired...
[He's tired of so much. Not just the physical exertion of crying, or the lingering weariness of his near-death experience, but... emotionally, he's exhausted by carrying this for so long already. Gods, but he wished it was easier to forget- if he'd been pulled into this place just a little earlier, his final nightmare from home would just be the terror of wandering alone through Gralea, or the unknown of being dragged into the Crystal as Ardyn promised him war and death when he emerged again. No meeting with Bahamut, no knowledge of his future. Perhaps not even the visions of the past that the kings are now granting him against his will, sporadic and frightful.
He wishes for so, so many things. He hates that none can be granted to him, but despite all of this, he still carries the will to keep moving forward. It isn't much, but it has to be enough.]
[ Noctis is calming down, but he's still crying- feeling the wetness on his shirt and the inhales he's hearing. Ignis isn't much better, tears still rolling down his own cheeks, unable to stop them himself.
Don't be afraid to let us share the load. He'd once told Noctis, but he'd been hypercritical back then, he couldn't even share the load himself, burden down by what he did and knew. He's not alone anymore in that. With everything out in the open, they can talk about this freely even if it hurts them both. He'd been scared to speak up back then too, still processing the vision, but telling Noctis back then would've broken him. He'd been afraid of that so he kept quiet to protect his friend. It was only after the crystal snatched him that something broke inside Ignis, he regretted not speaking up. After he got here, he opened up finally.
I'm tired.
Ignis shifts when Noctis slumps against him, letting his hand move to Noctis' cheek, thumb brushing away the stray tears there.
He's exhausted, beyond it. He'd been taking care of Prompto then he found out about Noctis and his near death experience. He'd pushed himself harder to take care of the pair, despite Pyra's help. Sitting still isn't his style when two of his loved ones are bedridden like this. This talk they had, while it had helped, undeniably had hurt them as well. Ignis does wish that he hadn't gotten that vision in Altissia, if given the choice, he use the ring over and over again just to not have this knowledge.
What did I just see? A vision of what's to come? Disbelief was his first reaction then, but he hadn't time to think about it, not with Noctis' life on the line. A small part of him is glad that he has this knowledge though, it gives him a goal to work towards while his friend is stuck in the crystal for... a long time. It helps to have someone that he can talk to, even if that someone is the one that has to sacrifice himself.
Asking Noctis if he's alright isn't the right call here, they're not alright. Crying, it's a start for a healing process he hopes. It isn't good to keep those tears locked in, even he knows that. ]
You'll never be alone in this, [ the shakiness finally gone out of his tone, replaced by a comforting one. ] and never forget how strong you are, Noct.
[ He knows though, just how exhausted Noctis must be after breaking down and after everything else. He still needs to rest, but Ignis isn't up to leaving his friend's side, not after crying on each other like that. They still need the comfort of each other's embrace. ]
He doesn't feel all that strong. He feels wretched, trembling and weary to the bone, his body still rebuilding energy after being stretched far too thin and burned up from the inside out. He feels as if he could barely lift a fork right now, nevermind a sword. Everyone who's ever taught him would surely laugh to see a Lucian royal in such a state.
Ignis... isn't laughing, though. He's crying, and it is perhaps that fact that really hits home once again just how bad it almost was. This is how he'll leave them, he realizes. Worried and heartsick and weeping, holding his body, only he won't be alive to hold them back. There will be no kind words or comfort, no resolution. Will he get to say goodbye? Surely the gods will at least give him that. Will it be enough?
...Stupid. Stupid question.
Tentatively he lifts his hand to brush over Ignis' face, fingertips ghosting over the scar, wiping the tears away just as Ignis had for his own cheek. The ring did this. Left him wounded and blind, a harsh price for someone who loves to observe the world around him at all times, so smart and tactical. He could have walked away from all of them and he'd have deserved it- deserved the break, the freedom. He'd done plenty for his king and then some, no one would blame him. But even when an attempt had been made to dismiss him, he'd stayed.
And... he's not laughing. Noct's throat constricts, and it takes him a long moment to find his voice again.]
I love you, [is his tired murmur. A beat, and then,] I love... all you guys. I don't know if I'll say it by the end, back home- [If it hurts too much, if it hurts them too much, if it's too cruel to give them his affection before he snatches it away again.] I just- you should know. Should've said it more.
[It's okay to say it, Pyra had taught him. He should say it. He should tell people, before it's too late. Death could come at any time, and he should know better.]
[ Ignis isn't laughing and he never will with something as serious as this. He'll never leave Noctis' side, always loyal to his friend. Between everything that's happened, this really shook Ignis to his core.
He leans a little into Noctis' touch on his cheek then he hears those three words.
He's stunned speechless, completely floored. He knows that Noctis cares about him, he's felt it through his friend's actions. Noctis is a show, don't tell when it comes to his feelings. He suspects Pyra might have something to do with this, considering what she said to him at the wedding. Pyra described them to be best friends and family and she's not wrong in that.
A long time ago, Regis asked Ignis to stand by Noctis to be his friend and brother, but this is his choice that he's making now. This is his decision to care about Noctis the way he does. They've known each other since they were little kids, always by one another sides, how can they not care for each other?
What he's starting to realize how much he needed to hear that, he'd been okay with feeling it from Noct's actions alone and it was enough. But to hear it is leaving him feeling incredibly touched. ]
Noct... [ surprised a bit at the stray tear rolling down his cheek from how touched he feels. ] I love you, too.
You're my oldest friend and family, my brother. [ Perhaps it's time that they start reminding each other with this, telling one another just how much they care. Noctis is special to him, one of the most important person that he holds dear in his life. Ignis will hang onto this, always. ]
... Lie back with me? [ He'll stay until Noct falls back into sleep. ]
[Noctis merely nods, silent but still pressed close enough that Ignis can feel the gesture. He's quietly grateful Ignis doesn't verbally make a big deal out of it, though he can tell by the man's expression that he's stunned and has to look away from it, feeling ashamed. He hadn't expected Ignis to call it out or anything, but the fact that it's such a shock is just another reminder that he's not made it clear enough, or vocal enough before today. He can't even promise that he'll do better going forward. Still... it's a first step. He said it, and he meant it, and now it's out there. He can't feel too badly about that, and if anything it's a tiny weight off of his shoulders.
At Ignis' request he nods, too tired to argue even if he wanted to, and shifts away to lie back on the bed, shuffling over enough to give Ignis space. He doesn't mind the company. It's a comfort when he's weary and heartsick, and it isn't as if they haven't shared beds before, both when they were children and in hotel rooms on the road with only a couple of beds for four people. Ignis lying beside him is a familiar presence, and with one more soft, shaken exhale, he clutches his fingers around Ignis' hand and closes his eyes, allowing himself to begin drifting. Even with the threat of dark dreams chasing him to unconsciousness, it won't take long for him to fall asleep.]
[ This is, by far, one of the most important talks that they've had and they've broke down together. It's a start to get them to heal and with the heartfelt confessions coming out of them, it's another start, a reminder just how they care for one another.
Noctis pulls away and Ignis moves with him, feeling his way on the bed as he settles down next to Noctis. He twinges their fingers together, listening quietly as Noctis drifts off into sleep. Ignis still needs to check up on Prompto, but he can afford a light nap here, after everything that's transpired between the pair...
He shifts a bit again, carefully getting his body to press up against Noctis', shoulder to shoulder, wanting to be close. They're not strangers to this, sharing tents and hotel rooms, and they were kids. Sharing a bed isn't anything new, it's familiar and a comfort to Ignis.
It doesn't take him long to fall into a light doze here, slipping into a light sleep. ]
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Then there was the stress and worry over his dad dying, but it became a moot point after they left Insomnia. Lady Lunafreya's death had hit Noctis hard too, but Ignis had given him space to deal with his own grief, but Ignis himself had quite the baggage on him too. Keeping using the ring hidden, keeping the vision of Noct's fate a secret. Ignis hadn't known how to help then, other than to give Noctis space.
I have to.
No, he doesn't have to hold back, Ignis can hear the struggle in Noctis' tone not to break apart, feel his body trembling quite badly against his. Then Noctis' grip tightens around Ignis to where it's a little painful, but he can take it. He can suffer through a little bit of pain, just as long as it helps out Noctis. The tears hit his shoulder while his friend breaks down on him, the sobs breaking free.
It's all Ignis needs to break apart freely himself, the first sob breaking loose out of his own chest.
It'll be okay. Things will work out. Things that he he'll say in situations such as these, but how can he now? He can Ignis be sure that things will be okay when they're both scared to death of the future? Noctis almost died on top of that.
He doesn't say anything, but strengthen his own hold over Noctis.
---------
It takes a little bit for Ignis to calm down, his breathing returning to normal, the shaking lessening up. The tears are still dripping off his chin. His grip over Noctis turns from a desperate needing one back into his protective one. He rubs at Noctis' back and lets his own hand cradle the back of Noct's head, hoping to sooth him in a comforting way.
There's no need to be strong right now, even the strongest person would break apart over things like this. Ignis doesn't think Noctis to be weak at all, he's strong, stronger than Ignis ever will be. Ignis isn't the one facing a death sentence and he holds nothing but the biggest respect for Noctis for trying to come to terms with it. ]
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A coward, Gladio snapped. The protected, Cor told him. Years of criticism in the media and amidst the Citadel staff, whispers on the sidelines that he pretended to ignore: that Regis was too soft on him, that he was coddled and spoiled, that some aspect of his life was unseemly for a prince. It all came back to the same source- him, Prince Noctis of Lucis, grown up too weak to take on the nightmarish mantle of the world's savior.
Even now it's heavy, and as he draws his last tremulous breath before speaking, he's not sure if it helped or if he feels worse for it. Maybe there is some satisfaction in shedding tears long held back, but the aftermath is always hard. He slumps against Ignis, blinking quickly.]
...I'm tired...
[He's tired of so much. Not just the physical exertion of crying, or the lingering weariness of his near-death experience, but... emotionally, he's exhausted by carrying this for so long already. Gods, but he wished it was easier to forget- if he'd been pulled into this place just a little earlier, his final nightmare from home would just be the terror of wandering alone through Gralea, or the unknown of being dragged into the Crystal as Ardyn promised him war and death when he emerged again. No meeting with Bahamut, no knowledge of his future. Perhaps not even the visions of the past that the kings are now granting him against his will, sporadic and frightful.
He wishes for so, so many things. He hates that none can be granted to him, but despite all of this, he still carries the will to keep moving forward. It isn't much, but it has to be enough.]
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Don't be afraid to let us share the load. He'd once told Noctis, but he'd been hypercritical back then, he couldn't even share the load himself, burden down by what he did and knew. He's not alone anymore in that. With everything out in the open, they can talk about this freely even if it hurts them both. He'd been scared to speak up back then too, still processing the vision, but telling Noctis back then would've broken him. He'd been afraid of that so he kept quiet to protect his friend. It was only after the crystal snatched him that something broke inside Ignis, he regretted not speaking up. After he got here, he opened up finally.
I'm tired.
Ignis shifts when Noctis slumps against him, letting his hand move to Noctis' cheek, thumb brushing away the stray tears there.
He's exhausted, beyond it. He'd been taking care of Prompto then he found out about Noctis and his near death experience. He'd pushed himself harder to take care of the pair, despite Pyra's help. Sitting still isn't his style when two of his loved ones are bedridden like this. This talk they had, while it had helped, undeniably had hurt them as well. Ignis does wish that he hadn't gotten that vision in Altissia, if given the choice, he use the ring over and over again just to not have this knowledge.
What did I just see? A vision of what's to come? Disbelief was his first reaction then, but he hadn't time to think about it, not with Noctis' life on the line. A small part of him is glad that he has this knowledge though, it gives him a goal to work towards while his friend is stuck in the crystal for... a long time. It helps to have someone that he can talk to, even if that someone is the one that has to sacrifice himself.
Asking Noctis if he's alright isn't the right call here, they're not alright. Crying, it's a start for a healing process he hopes. It isn't good to keep those tears locked in, even he knows that. ]
You'll never be alone in this, [ the shakiness finally gone out of his tone, replaced by a comforting one. ] and never forget how strong you are, Noct.
[ He knows though, just how exhausted Noctis must be after breaking down and after everything else. He still needs to rest, but Ignis isn't up to leaving his friend's side, not after crying on each other like that. They still need the comfort of each other's embrace. ]
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He doesn't feel all that strong. He feels wretched, trembling and weary to the bone, his body still rebuilding energy after being stretched far too thin and burned up from the inside out. He feels as if he could barely lift a fork right now, nevermind a sword. Everyone who's ever taught him would surely laugh to see a Lucian royal in such a state.
Ignis... isn't laughing, though. He's crying, and it is perhaps that fact that really hits home once again just how bad it almost was. This is how he'll leave them, he realizes. Worried and heartsick and weeping, holding his body, only he won't be alive to hold them back. There will be no kind words or comfort, no resolution. Will he get to say goodbye? Surely the gods will at least give him that. Will it be enough?
...Stupid. Stupid question.
Tentatively he lifts his hand to brush over Ignis' face, fingertips ghosting over the scar, wiping the tears away just as Ignis had for his own cheek. The ring did this. Left him wounded and blind, a harsh price for someone who loves to observe the world around him at all times, so smart and tactical. He could have walked away from all of them and he'd have deserved it- deserved the break, the freedom. He'd done plenty for his king and then some, no one would blame him. But even when an attempt had been made to dismiss him, he'd stayed.
And... he's not laughing. Noct's throat constricts, and it takes him a long moment to find his voice again.]
I love you, [is his tired murmur. A beat, and then,] I love... all you guys. I don't know if I'll say it by the end, back home- [If it hurts too much, if it hurts them too much, if it's too cruel to give them his affection before he snatches it away again.] I just- you should know. Should've said it more.
[It's okay to say it, Pyra had taught him. He should say it. He should tell people, before it's too late. Death could come at any time, and he should know better.]
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He leans a little into Noctis' touch on his cheek then he hears those three words.
He's stunned speechless, completely floored. He knows that Noctis cares about him, he's felt it through his friend's actions. Noctis is a show, don't tell when it comes to his feelings. He suspects Pyra might have something to do with this, considering what she said to him at the wedding. Pyra described them to be best friends and family and she's not wrong in that.
A long time ago, Regis asked Ignis to stand by Noctis to be his friend and brother, but this is his choice that he's making now. This is his decision to care about Noctis the way he does. They've known each other since they were little kids, always by one another sides, how can they not care for each other?
What he's starting to realize how much he needed to hear that, he'd been okay with feeling it from Noct's actions alone and it was enough. But to hear it is leaving him feeling incredibly touched. ]
Noct... [ surprised a bit at the stray tear rolling down his cheek from how touched he feels. ] I love you, too.
You're my oldest friend and family, my brother. [ Perhaps it's time that they start reminding each other with this, telling one another just how much they care. Noctis is special to him, one of the most important person that he holds dear in his life. Ignis will hang onto this, always. ]
... Lie back with me? [ He'll stay until Noct falls back into sleep. ]
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At Ignis' request he nods, too tired to argue even if he wanted to, and shifts away to lie back on the bed, shuffling over enough to give Ignis space. He doesn't mind the company. It's a comfort when he's weary and heartsick, and it isn't as if they haven't shared beds before, both when they were children and in hotel rooms on the road with only a couple of beds for four people. Ignis lying beside him is a familiar presence, and with one more soft, shaken exhale, he clutches his fingers around Ignis' hand and closes his eyes, allowing himself to begin drifting. Even with the threat of dark dreams chasing him to unconsciousness, it won't take long for him to fall asleep.]
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Noctis pulls away and Ignis moves with him, feeling his way on the bed as he settles down next to Noctis. He twinges their fingers together, listening quietly as Noctis drifts off into sleep. Ignis still needs to check up on Prompto, but he can afford a light nap here, after everything that's transpired between the pair...
He shifts a bit again, carefully getting his body to press up against Noctis', shoulder to shoulder, wanting to be close. They're not strangers to this, sharing tents and hotel rooms, and they were kids. Sharing a bed isn't anything new, it's familiar and a comfort to Ignis.
It doesn't take him long to fall into a light doze here, slipping into a light sleep. ]