carbungle | IC Contact

[Noctis scoffs quietly at that.]

How to be reckless about it, maybe.

[His eyes flit downwards again.]

...Are... you sure? I don't... I mean, I could actually hurt you. I didn't know that was possible before.

[He wouldn't mean to. He knows how to spar without causing serious injury, he's done it practically all his life. But with these memories messing with his head, and now with the knowledge that he has power than can leave lingering wounds, he's left feeling more wary.]

[That caused him to hesitate just a second, piece in his right hand hovering briefly over the board before being set down.]

...I don't really expect we'll be throwing magic at each other in a simple sparring match, do you? Even if you did somehow manage to hit me, I'll be fine.

Guess that's fair.

[He's not terribly enthused, still wary, but then again it's hard to be eager when he feels like hot garbage, so finally he nods.]

Yeah... okay. Just let me know whenever you want to.

I can certainly keep that in mind, at least.

[...]

I really am alright, if you were by any chance worried.

[He shifts his weight a little on the bed, gaze dropping back to the board.]

I'm not. [He is.] Just don't want you to fall apart on us when we're not looking.

Me, fall apart? Not that easily, at least.

[It was kind of a close call and he knew it.]

[Noct suspects, at the very least.]

Hope not. Still, yours isn't the ass I wanna kick.

I know that. But all the same, I'm hardly made of glass. Even setting aside certain circumstances, I am a fair bit tougher than I look.

I know, I know...

[Noctis exhales heavily, scuffing a hand through his hair.]

Just. Don't want you to get stuck carrying any more regret.

[The way he carries his scars.]

...Allow me to make this abundantly clear, that there might be no misunderstanding.

[With those words his demeanor shifted in a way that was hard to quantify; the way he often looked like a jumpy feral cat was left behind to be replaced with some long-forgotten gravely serious composure.]

I have more regrets than I can or wish to keep count of, most of which have tangible reminders in one form or another. But I do not--and shall never--regret protecting someone I care about. If a few more scars is the price for having done so, then I will bear them with no complaint. I made my own choice, and if I were given the option to repeat the situation, I would do nothing differently.

[There's something uncomfortably intense about Ardyn's expression there, and Noctis has to look away before he glances back, to remind himself that just because it's an unusual look for Ardyn to wear doesn't mean it's wrong. His eyes lack the hatred that his instincts had begun to ring the alarm bells for.

It takes a moment, but Noctis finally nods and relaxes a little, recognizing the intent behind those words.]

...Right... got it. Loud and clear. [No regrets for this. It's very... them. Something about that frustrating self-sacrificial attitude is as reassuring as it is annoying.]

[The severe look evaporated with as little warning as it had appeared, Ardyn relaxing with a faint and tired smile.]

I never regret helping people, Noct. No matter what kind of trouble or complication it may lead to, that intervention in and of itself is no less meaningful.

Kind of amazing you still feel that way, considering where it got you.

[It's... admirable, in a grim sort of way. Becoming what he is now, being locked away for so long, that sort of compassion could have easily died with him.]

[Ardyn shrugged with his left shoulder as he contemplated both the board and his next words carefully.]

I am not so good a person as to be free of resentment over what transpired. It takes far more than a single monarch to rewrite history when ‘history’ was as recent as ‘several weeks ago’.

[Somnus hadn’t been well-liked in their time; ‘feared’ might have been a better word, depending on who one asked. So it made sense that the kingdom’s people would fall in line with the idea that Ardyn was never to be spoken of again. It made sense, and yet it still managed to sting at the darker parts of him that wanted to scream about the injustice and ingratitude of it all. How many bloodlines persisted to this day because of years of tireless work? How much smaller would Lucis be if he’d decided it wasn’t worth it from the start?]

But everything terrible that happened was not for nothing; all of it would only be rendered utterly pointless from my perspective if not for however many lives were saved in the process. While I regret much of what came of it and just about everything to do with my brother, I can not regret the work I did itself. Doing so would feel the same as wishing each and every person I saved to be condemned to an agonizing death.

[Somewhere along that line of thought, Ardyn made his move—the white king retreated a step.]

If I were ever to second-guess saving even one person’s life or wish I had done any less than I was capable of when someone was suffering right in front of me, I would lose what little of myself I have left.

...Guess that's true.

[He wonders how he'd feel, if in the aftermath of reviving the dawn all memory of him was forgotten, erased from existence like he'd never mattered at all. He knows it's unlikely, assuming the others survive, or Cor or those still loyal to the crown, but ten years is a long time to be without a king. It's just as likely that some might consider the return of dawn to be a fluke or good timing, their patience rewarded by the gods and not a sacrificed monarch long lost. And even with the others to carry his memory, how long with it last? Would he, too, be lost to the ebb and flow of time, collecting dust in some history book as nothing more than a title like most of the old kings?

How fortunate he wouldn't be alive to see it happen. In light of those thoughts and everything he's heard, he can't begrudge Ardyn for holding on to that pain.]

I don't have to like the outcome to acknowledge the work put into it. And... you know. I do like being alive. [He moves a piece to chase the king, probably foolish, but just as much a sign that he's still himself, too.] So thanks, for doing it anyway.

...I've found I like having you around.

[A lighter remark to try and break the tension, with it a very quiet laugh.]

I assure you, I'm always happy to be of help to you or anyone else.

Suck up.

[He's smiling anyway, quietly pleased by the admission. It isn't new, but still. It's nice.]

I am never anything but sincere.

[...which coming from Ardyn was oddly ironic]

[That... is incredibly ironic. It's fortunate that Ardyn's tone is significantly different enough from his future self that it actually sounds believable.]

Doesn't that mean you're sincere all those times you've called me a horrible menace to society?

Deathly serious. You're the worst sort of troublemaker, the kind that's just fun enough to allow.

Double suck up.

[Heh. Fun troublemaker, that's a title he prefers.]

...Sometimes I wish it was Bahamut who was the dragonlord of this town, just so we could experience his reaction to seeing us like this.

[The nerve of them, getting along, genuinely caring about one another and ignoring the prophecy's grand plan. Whatever happened to all that hate and vengeance?]

Hm...it would be something of a sight, wouldn't it? Worse still knowing there's nothing he could do to stop us.

['fuck what god wants i will love and protect this dumb child until he stabs me.']

Never tried pissing a god off before.

[It's a strange concept. He's always been so... obedient. Complacent. But he's sure that this relationship is absolutely in defiance of the big plan written into the history of their entire lineage.

The mental image of an angry Bahamut is pretty funny, though. He'd been heartlessly deadpan when they met, just telling Noctis his fate and tossing him into the void. It would be refreshing to see a giant armored dragon throwing a tantrum or something.

Nevermind that the gods are terrifyingly powerful. He's just gonna conveniently ignore that fact, since... this is all for laughs. Right? Right.]

I have the distinct feeling I likely do that every day just by existing. An odd feeling, when I think of it like that.

[After all, the gods wanted the Starscourge gone so badly that they'd sacrifice generations to do it. Ardyn was willing to guess they didn't see him as much else at this point, if ever that had been different.]

...Mm... maybe.

[A fair assumption, considering how much of their line became devoted to building power for his destruction. He kind of wishes he could talk to Gentiana - Shiva - again, though. She's probably the only one who'd give him a straight answer, and she carried some sympathy for those who'd become corrupted by the Scourge. Not enough to spare them (she'd asked him to kill Ifrit, after all) but enough that their lives were not worthless. Her request was to bring back the light, not to kill Ardyn, and that feels significant to him, though he might just be biased about it.]

It's not like you owe them anything. So it's fine if one or two stay mad about it.

IC Contact | Hugtopia

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