carbungle | IC Contact

IC Contact | Hugtopia

I dislike dishonest people. Even if I don't tell the whole truth sometimes, I've never lied. I know sometimes leaders need to for the benefit of the many, but if it's not necessary I will never understand it.

We did end up liberating Ala Mhigo, but only after my friends and I went across the ocean and liberated Doma first. I lead an army of armies through the occupied city. You're not allowed to be scared in those moments, you know? When everyone is looking to you. You have to be brave and unwavering and unfaltering. That shining beacon of hope, carrying the weight of nations upon your shoulders. You are a concept. An ideal. You aren't a person anymore. You're just hope and freedom, stuffed into a cage of flesh.

I think that might be politics, too.

The day of Ala Mhigo's liberation, when we had pushed so deep into the capital that I had no allies left at my back. I continued onward on my own, and the empire's crown prince waited for me upon the palace rooftop, amidst a beautiful garden.

"Only man has the wisdom to embrace violence for its own sake. For we who are born into this merciless, meaningless world, have but one candle of life to burn. I know you understand this. You and I are one and the same.

Together, we could while away the quiet hours, as friend and confidant... If you will accept me.

We tower above the gods! You by your gift, I by my might!"

He then possessed the Primal god, Shinryu. We fought. I defeated him. All his life he sought a challenge. An equal. He was so euphoric afterward that he put his blade to his throat. His death was, unfortunately, not as permanent as I'd have hoped.

Zenos yae Galvus is — to put it kindly — fucking insane. He murdered his father because the empire's war against Eorzea was interfering with his obsession with me. I think he wants me to awaken my immortality as well, so we can fight each other for all eternity. I'd really rather not. You know??? That is so very 'wtf I cannot even' ???

He is also Hades' great-grandson, and I don't know if that makes it more or less disturbing. It will certainly be disturbing when he inevitably finds me again, as I know I will look for Hades' features in his face even if I try not to. 🤮

That isn't what I meant to talk about at all. Apologies.

I liberated that nation anyway, and another, and now we're at war but at least the people are free. Now I have to deal with more politics, though they are the type of politics that can be generally be solved by my blowing things up with my magic.

Ardyn is a dumbass, but I am loath to put words in the mouths of others when it comes to what they think of me. He is my brother, and I am his dear friend. Unless he says otherwise I will make no assumptions, as it is not my place.

Is Noct not what you prefer to be called?

A message will always be appreciated, as I can prepare some snacks or beverages, but you are always welcome in our home, even if we are not there. It is meant to be a safe haven; a place of comfort. The only places off-limits without our presence are the upstairs bedrooms, as those are our personal spaces — our own private havens.

What I am trying to say is that I believe I understand. Just know that if you need the unconditional love and comfort of Hythlo or Peki, or if you need to just get away for a little while. Sometimes it is hard to remember to send a message when you are overwhelmed. You can always send one later, if we are still not home.

Neither of us have ever truly had our own homes to offer to friends and family before. To be able to do so makes us both happy. You will never be an inconvenience or annoyance.

[........that is, shall we say, "big oof"]

yeah

yeah i know. to other people ur not a real person because ~destiny~ or ~ordained power~ or w/e and u have to do what has to be done bc you're the only one who can. and other ppl say not to carry it alone but they can't carry it for u either. i wish i didn't, i wish you didn't. but yeah i know

[he knows. it sucks. it hurts.]

why does it always have to be personal

like ok we've both probably fought like a million assholes or monsters or gods or w/e and no matter how hard it is, afterward it was just another fight, right? most of the time

but then there's like THAT ONE GUY. and they've got the face of someone important to u, or they hit you in the wrong way, or they screw up ur life and u can't shake it off. a guy w/ someone's face or a secret uncle who wants to destroy ur life or hell even some clueless descendant who looks like your bro who murdered u

like the universe conspires to go hey, you've got a lot to deal with but let's screw with you in one particular way just to see if u break. but then bc it's YOU you're not allowed to break or grieve or even slow down and it's right back to the start again, keep going, ur not a person anyway so just keep fighting & don't complain or you're a coward/failure/weakling etc

sorry. i know u didn't mean to talk about it but it's kind of nice to have someone who gets it, imo... for both i guess. sorry for my part too tho.

re: ardyn, i'll tell him 2 be less of a dumbass, he's not allowed to get mad at me for it, he said so

[perhaps not his exact words, but the sentiment of being permitted to express himself freely and honestly was genuine.]

i don't like people calling me noct w/o permission or us being close enough first. izunia told me "i earned the right to call you noct" after he did awful shit to me, over and over, bc he knew i'd hate it so hearing it in HIS voice again... idk. ardyn got it, without me saying it out loud, i guess

for the record it's ok if u call me that

ill stay downstairs w/ the birds np. thanks for that, i rly appreciate the offer. will try not to take advantage too much

In the moment it is never something I mind. I told your father once that it is my duty and my privilege to sacrifice all that I was or will ever be in the face of protecting what I hold most dear. My suffering is worth nothing in the face of all else.

It isn't something I need to carry alone. They cannot carry my burden for me, but they can carry me in those moments it becomes to much to bear. You could do the same.

My first memory was of a towering crystal of ethereal blue, glowing with the Light of all the Lifestream. Hydaelyn called me the 'Crystal Bearer'. She told me that Darkness sought to destroy all life, and that I was meant to protect it by claiming the Crystals of Light, which would reveal themselves by my deeds.

I didn't know what any of that meant. I just did my best to survive, at first. Eventually I found my way as an adventurer, then stumbled upon the path Mother meant me to walk. I claimed the Crystals of Light long ago, and things just... continue on. More Primals. More wars. Death all around me, never ending.

I could have chosen not to. I could've taken another path. Could've fought a little less. Could've let the world turn to ruin in the end.

But there was so much suffering around me. I just wanted to help. I still just want to help.

...It was a few years ago. There was to be a conference in Falcon's Nest. The barracks were converted to a tavern for the duration. My comrades suggested I have something to eat before it was set to begin, and so I did. I found a secluded corner, seeking privacy, and drank deep of a mug of mulled wine a waitress gave me. She spoke to me, though I couldn't tell you of what. My eyes were so heavy... My limbs sapped of their strength. Everything was so hazy, except for the contempt I saw in the woman's eyes.

I crumpled to the floor, unconscious. I still am not certain for how long. I had a vision of that woman's plans to ruin the conference, then I woke to Thancred shaking me: "Hey! Hey! This is no time for napping! Do you have your wits about you? Good. Come with me ─ we have a crisis on our hands!"

The conference had already started, and there was fighting all around us. Utter chaos. I was so disoriented.

No one ever thought to ask after me, when all was said and done. I just went to my quarters and healed myself of the poison.

It was just how things were. I was the Warrior of Light. It was just accepted that I would always be all right.

It changed, when I went to Ardbert's world. The Scions were there ahead of me, and learned of a future where I had died. They began to treat me differently, then. More like a proper family. It was... frustrating. Suddenly I had people worrying over my well-being. Minor threats if I refused to do as told and rest. I was dying, you see. A slow and painful death of the soul. They were so afraid for me, and I just could not understand. I was still living and breathing. Could still fight, and they were telling me I couldn't — they would take care of all those tedious things I would have done myself. They had the whole of the Crystarium watching out for me. Everyone was nagging and worrying and fretting.

Gods, it was infuriating...

...But it felt nice. Being treated like Era.

There will always be something. Something to hurt you. To make you falter. To threaten all you love.

But that is what family is for, Noct. To support you. To give you strength. To be there by your side through the thick of it. To lift you upon their shoulders when you struggle to take another step forward.

It is just a matter of letting them.

sorry i didn't mean to make it sound like i don't have or accept help. i 100% do i'd be so screwed otherwise. i wouldn't have made it anywhere without every1

i just meant like... idk. that obligation. it's a choice, yeah, but at the same time it isn't? bc no one else could do it, and walking away from the apocalypse isn't the same as walking away from a hunt or a bad breakfast. if it's a choice between saving the world and letting it die and you're the only one to save it, then the choice is hollow. like going "i choose never to eat". maybe it's a choice but you'll die bc you made the wrong call

other people can carry you to the grave but you still have to climb in yourself. at the same time i wouldn't be able to if i didn't have them. that's all i mean.

why did that lady poison you? isn't it a good thing, what you were doing? were they a spy or an enemy or something, did they catch her

its probably rly hard for some people to look past the pedestal sometimes. like they want 2 believe ur invincible bc its comforting, but then something breaks that illusion... i was like that with dad for a while, it felt like he'd live 4ever and always be safe, but one day i saw him w/ a cane & it freaked me out

still im glad they came around and let u feel that, even if it took a while. friends & family are the ones who SHOULD let you be a person.

you said "was dying"... does that mean ur not anymore?

[because that! was worrying!]

No, you don't need to apologize. I had misinterpreted. I'm glad I was incorrect. It took me far too long to learn how to lean upon others.

But I understand.

You have a choice, but it isn't really a choice. Not when it's a choice between your own suffering and the lives of countless others.

I would not be able to live with myself if I saw the suffering of others and, despite knowing I could ease it, did nothing.

You should talk to Ardbert about this one day. He understands

He understands your position much more keenly than even I can, Noct. The path you're on is one he's walked.

She poisoned me because if I brought peace between Ishgard and the Dravanians it meant her lover's life was wasted. She did not want to accept that the cause he fought for was based on lies.

She was just a grieving woman embittered by her loss.

She was caught for turning the conference into a riotous thing. If she admitted to the rest during her trial I do not know of it. She was exiled regardless, forced to aid a growing outpost with hard labour. I came across her a few years later, and brought with me some measure of peace she long sought.

I think you're right. It's always startling, the difference between how I'm treated when someone first meets me and doesn't know who I am, then once they find out. Suddenly I'm no longer a tiny auri woman with no place among warriors, and instead am treated by star-struck stammering.

With children and parents... I have no experience, but I have witnessed things over the years. I think parents only seem invincible to children for as long as they need them to be. The illusion is broken only by the child having grown enough to see mortality, whether the cause be time or trauma.

I'm glad they came around, too. I had loved them so dearly, trusting them above all others, but save for Alphinaud and Alisaie, I never felt as though I were truly a part of them.

When Alphinaud referred to me as family not long after we reunited, I thought I had misheard. But I didn't. He really called me family. My heart felt so warm and happy.

The world was flooded by unending Light. For a century the night sky had faded into naught but distant memory.

The world was flooded by monstrous creatures of Light. All angelic wings and porcelain white skin. Sin Eaters, they were called. They feasted upon people, and those unlucky enough to survive the initial attack inevitably turned into monsters as well.

I was called to that world to help. I had the Blessing of Light, so the Blight was no danger to me. I could absorb the corrupted Light within me, preventing the spread. I absorbed so much that for the first time in over a century there was night.

There was only so much my soul could contain. It was too much, even for me. My soul was cracking. I could feel it. Hear it. Like shattering crystal. Glowing white aether oozing from my eyes and my lips. Bubbling in my lungs. It was so cold that it burned.

I couldn't die though. Not when everywhere I went the Light followed. Not when it meant I would turn into a monster that would destroy worlds without a thought. There would be no peace for me.

But Ardbert saved me, in the end. He used his soul to piece mine back together. It gave me strength enough to wield that horrible, miserable Light as a weapon against what threatened our worlds. In that final, sundering blow I used up that corrupted Light within my soul.

Enough of it, at least.

I think.

There is still a small infection of corrupted Light, though it's kept in check by my healthy aether.

So I'm not dying, but I'm also not not dying. I'm just a little bit sick. Chronically. Like... allergies.

no argument here. i kind of love and hate that this is a thing for both of us, that's shitty of me but like.....yeah

unfortunate honesty i guess

i'll think about talking to ardbert. there are some ppl i haven't told yet and don't rly want to, it would feel weird admitting it to someone outside of that. idk maybe i can skirt around it or something

idk what it is about ppl directing their grief in the wrong direction. its not ur fault a war was going on, and war is a waste for everyone whether it ends or not. but ending it wastes less, so... grief or not that's stupid

there was a guy kinda like that in my world. nifs killed his mother, but instead of blaming them he blamed my dad for not saving her. he hated our family and tried 2 kill me, but then he turned around and tried to give me back my dad's sword at the last second... i never understood him. and the glaives turned on my dad when insomnia fell bc they felt he abandoned their homes by agreeing to the nif treaty. but niflheim's the one who took those homes from them

i don't get it. im not gonna say dad never did anything wrong, bc we could have done more for them. but why hate the one who's trying to help them instead of the evil robot army?

i felt like that after leaving insomnia. most ppl didn't know who i was, just some kid learning how 2 hunt in the wild. unless they saw me use magic i was a nobody. no bowing or fussing or "your highness" or whatever. i could finally be noctis and it felt great

that sounds rly awful. im sorry that happened. you carry some leftover light the way ive got leftover dark... maybe we should cancel each other out lol

j/k j/k as if life's that simple ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

There is camaraderie in it. The sense of no longer being alone. Even when others try to understand, they never truly will. It isn't shitty of you, Noct — it's human. It's why Ardbert and I bonded so strongly, even before we knew what we were.

If you'd like to skirt around using a technicality you have, technically, already spoken to Ardbert. Eons ago he and I were once the same person, and now we are one again. Except that he's from the moment just prior to our Rejoining.

It isn't my place to share the details of his story, so I can only advise you talk to him when you feel that you can. I believe it would help.

I think... To resent your father and act upon that resentment was easier. Safer. Knowing the kind of man your father is, acting out toward him was likely less frightening than acting out toward Nifleheim.

That doesn't make it any less wrong, but it's simply how things are. I'm friends with the Sultana of Ul'dah, and she sought my help in finding ways to assist the Ala Mhigan refugees without causing her own people to revolt.

I wish it could be simple. I wish there was not some limit on how much you can aid another. It's frustrating, and stupid. If you have resources you can spare, even if it puts a small burden on your people, why should it cause such outrage? Everyone deserves a shelter. Water. Food.

I'm glad you had the chance to just be Noctis the Nobody for a little while.

Unfortunately my world is one where being a woman is not very... safe. I would rather be seen as the Warrior of Light than as some trinket men seek to warm their beds. Of course there will always be those who see me as a prize to be won, so to speak. 🙄 🙄 🙄 I'm happy I was too busy to ever think of such things at the time.

Fortunately it has grown a little safer in Eorzea over the past years. And I'm rather adept at beating up men thrice my size. You just have to know exactly where to shove your knee lol. So it's more fun now when I'm just an unimportant commoner.

When I went to Ardbert's world it was wonderful. Everyone treated me so well, just like any other person.

I found out later they figured out I was the Warrior of Darkness, since I'm not very good at not having impossible things happen wherever I go. But they pretended they didn't know, so I was still treated just like everyone else. It was very nice. I love visiting the First. I get to experience normal person things.

Oh I got to meet a baby! A little baby girl, freshly born. Her parents asked if I would welcome her to the world, so I did. I don't have a suitable emoji. It was so wonderful. The first child of a generation that will never know life without the night sky. The sky Ardbert and I returned to them.

It was definitely worth it. All that pain and suffering is nothing next to the knowledge that that little girl and all those that follow will be able to dance under the stars. ✨

Sorry I've rambled again.

In truth, the concept is that simple. When two equal and opposite forces meet, they neutralize each other. If balance is restored it should, in theory, bring equilibrium.

When there is too much Light you turn into a Sin Eater. When there is too much Darkness you turn into a Voidsent — or a daemon, in the case of your world.

What I experienced was very similar to Ardyn's circumstances. I know this for a fact because of the Echo.

If not for Ardbert, I would have turned into something akin to Izunia in nature. Albeit more monstrous and with no memory of humanity.

I want to change his fate, and yours.

i'll think about it. no promises, i'm a little shared out this past month. but idk, i'll keep it in mind.

you're probably right about my dad. i don't have to like it, but it sounds legit. i guess it doesn't matter now since they're all dead anyway. them, dad, me and that fedora asshole... revenge is gonna kill off a lot of people before it's all over.

ig one good thing about the end of the world looming is that borders don't mean anything to the daemons- all humans are in danger so they all have to work together. last i heard even nifs were taking refuge in lucis & i hope they've been more welcoming than it used to go down in insomnia. it'd be nice if everyone stayed that way after the daemons are gone.

i told prompto i wanted us to end up together as a single nation. not so i could rule it all or anything, that's nif style. but maybe we could try living in peace for once. the world's been at war for like 300 years enuf is enuf

i get that kinda. obv not to the same extent bc im a guy but i had protection that other ppl didn't, thats a kind of luxury i only get from my position. if i wasn't the prince i would have died as a kid to the marilith, & like 4 yrs back some royal-hating drunk would have stabbed me if i didn't have gladio 2 protect me. there's perks even if it's hard sometimes

babies r cute as long as theyre not puking on u (´∀`)ｂ tho idk why ppl always seem 2 want them kissed by royalty, like did they think the magic rubbed off on them lol

i wonder if anything happens on eos if u absorb too much light, like what is the opposite of daemons

im supposed to absorb the whole crystal b4 i come out of it... it wouldn't be so bad if i turned into something boss (╯‵□′)╯¤=[]:::::> like with magic sword wings n shit

I understand.

On the First, ninety percent of the world was destroyed, and when the end was truly looming we brought that last 10% together. In a few days the whole of Norvrandt built a Talos (like a golem, or a robot made of rock and magic) so big it was taller than the mountains. So tall it reached the sky, just so I could go and kill the last Lightwarden residing there.

The people put aside all of their differences and banded together. The whole of the world put their hopes unto me, then did the impossible so I could bring the night back.

I succeeded in killing that monster, and brought the night back. I think it returned for less than a minute, because then I nearly died lol

But it was nice seeing all the people join together. I wish it could be like that on the Source. Just let everyone live their lives. Spread harvests and resources equally. Let everyone be cared for.

The Old World was a bit like that, actually. Before the Sound came and ruined it all.

I hope your world comes together. If I hadn't seen it for myself I don't know if I'd believe it possible. But it is.

I think if you weren't the prince you wouldn't have been attacked by the marilith at all, or a drunkard. But also that shouldn't matter anyway, because who in the hells attacks a godsdamned child? 😠💢

I haven't really seen any babies before. Just the newborn little girl. She was very ugly. Red and squashed and only just cleaned of the viscera of birth. But she was still so beautiful even if she looked like a big, ruddy potato. I'm glad they didn't ask me to hold her, because I wouldn't want to break her. She was so tiny. I bet if she puked it'd be a tiny puke, too. Gross, but tiny.

Sword wings leave many openings, so while they look cool they aren't very practical. I'm sure you'll still have shit though 💩

If you're absorbing the whole crystal and also have control of its power, in theory you should be able to manipulate your form.

Maybe the reason you had more of his face was because your form broke under the strain and the crystal or Bahamut couldn't remember what you looked like? That they could have decided 'close enough', because they're stupid and don't care.

If that were the case and you were given a new body, maybe you also have a 'final form'. Gods only know I've fought enough of them to expect some manner of form shift mid-fight. 🙄

Edited 2020-08-04 01:02 (UTC)

that sounds so cool. i kind of envy you for getting to see that... mustve been rly impressive to see every1 come together. im just gonna sleep through it i think & show up at the last minute to steal all the glory

maybe it'll make for a good story lol... every hero wants a good story right

daemons attack anybody prince or not, tho why it got inside the wall is a question nobody rly solved. was probably drautos, now that i think about it. he ended up being the cause of a lot of problems in retrospect. and like all our troubles stem from ppl hating our family. shit thats depressing

ive held a couple of babies. used 2 work at some outer-city refugee centers during hs. not newborn thats way too fragile for my twitchy swordhands, but like pre-toddler. galahd babies r the cutest, teenie tiny braids & huge brown eyes. i played keepaway 4 like 20 mins with this one kid putting a toy in and out of the armiger. never heard some1 giggle so much in my life

kids r good for the soul lol, like animals but more work

why does bahamut get 2 pull off sword wings and live like a million yrs no problem?? gods are stupid, if our powers come from him & the crystal we should ttly get sword wings too. im gonna ask ardyn, it'll be badass wait til u see

man now IM gonna puke @ that theory of bahamut mushing on my face like putty no thx. like u might be right but also i hate it!! if theyre gonna make me do all this sacrificial chosen bs they could at least remember my face not just somnus

its funny tho, i played a ton of video games where bosses had different forms but i don't think it ever happened irl? i kind of wish it did at least one time. games always made it look so cool when u win in the end

on the other hand if like deathclaws sprouted asswings and an old lucian chorus started playing out of nowhere i mightve quit this chosen thing on the spot, no thx

It

There are no words for it, really. To see that all my suffering had meaning, and that I wasn't squandering my life away on people unwilling to create a better world for themselves.

I hope you've beautiful dreams in your sleep, Noct. The most wonderful dreams.

You won't be stealing all the glory.

And there will certainly be stories. There will always be stories. Ones of heroes and their deeds and their sacrifices. Stories that inspire, and bring hope. That can shape both the future and the past.

Just do your best to survive so you can make sure your friends don't downplay their role in the story, hm?

Hatred is depressing.

Babies aren't though. Do you have more stories of them? Aside from the newborn babe the youngest child I ever met was perhaps six or seven summers.

Galahd babies sound very adorable! And that is such a clever use of the armiger. (♡°▽°♡) What are baby giggles like?

Miqo'te children have little tails, but their ears are big and cute. Auri children are the most adorable I've seen though — our horns and tails start out so small and stubby, but grow as we age. Σ>―(〃°ω°〃)♡→

If the gods here are kind, and if my world can do without me for a time, I think I would like one of my own. It is the most impossible of impossible dreams, but I'm allowed to have dreams. To use my body to bring life to the world instead of take from it. It would be nice. Terrifying, but so very nice all the same.

I pity those with immortality. How lonely must it get, without friends or family? It doesn't excuse him being an asshole though. I'm glad most of the immortals I know are relatively kind. You need to watch yourselves around the fae, but they're still quite kind in their own way. 🧚‍♀️

Do you remember when I explained teleportation in my worlds? Our bodies turn to aether and travel that way, with crystals as the start and end-points. I meant something more akin to that — you were turned into energy without form, and then couldn't reconfigure yourself afterward, so Bahamut took over. It sucks regardless, but I am imagining him realizing you needed a physical form again and thinking 'oh shite', like a child caught sneaking a cookie lol

Like this emoji 😱😱😱

It isn't incredibly common, yet frequent enough that it is a nuisance. With Primals it is most oft a temporary thing for the duration of their most powerful attacks. Susano, for example, spent much of our fight as perhaps five times my height. Then when he readied his strongest ability he grew until I would have been barely as tall as his first knuckle.

His sword grew accordingly as well, matching his height. I had to block it with my own sword in a battle of strength. It was very fun, honestly. The most enjoyable fight with a Primal I've ever had. Susano was... I believe the modern term is 'a real bro'? He just wanted a good fight, and he had as much fun as I did with it.

What is a deathclaw? They sound awful. I would like to fight one.

Edited 2020-08-04 18:12 (UTC)

i hope ur right. good dreams r kinda rare these days

weird related q tho: do u ever have dreams based on echos?

more baby stories lets see... one time i went & there was a little girl born too early so they didn't have a spare bed for her & every1 had spent all week taking turns carrying her in a lil tummy sling. when i showed up for my shift they didn't even ask they just strapped her on and told me when 2 check on her or feed her & i did the rest of my work with her sleeping & gurgling all day. it was sooo warm like wearing a mini-furnace around. they had to wrestle her away from me when i had to leave (;﹏;)

during 1 of the seasonal festivals they wanted to do an art project (i forget why) so i brought some paints, & one baby wanted 2 paint my hair instead. every1 thought it was funny until i left too late to go home & shower so i ended up in a council meeting with pink n blue streaks. didn't even acknowledge it when i went in i just acted normal to see if any1 asked lol. i thought dad was gonna explode trying to hold that kingly composure the whole meeting & every1 else was pissed at the ~indignity~ after it was done i could hear dad & clarus laughing 3 halls over, it was great

oh and the lady who ran the refugee center had a 4 yr old who she brought in a lot bc he fit right in w/ the other kids. he thought he owned the place 2 so imagine a tiny kid with hands on his hips and this adorable tenebraean accent all "ur highness u mustn't interrupt playtime, we do not nap until after noon"

i bet u would like a baby, w/ how you dote on hythlo and all. wouldn't mind seeing a baby auri too

lmaoooo ok ok ok maybe bahamut wears a mask to hide when he has lil freakouts when his stupid plan doesn't go the way he wants it to. ...wait shit do u think he can smite me from here, i still have a covenant and all

bahamut dont read this

deathclaws are the worst!!! like giant crab dragons w/ death lasers. ill see if i can find a picture. prompto wasnt with us when we fought one so i cant count on his selfies

I don't believe so. If I have, they aren't dreams I remember.

I have nightmares sometimes though.

I try not to sleep very much at home. Here, there is little else to do. How do civilians stand such mundane lives?

Oh my gods Noct that is so precious 😍 I did the same for Hythlodaeus when he was an egg, and until he grew too big. It was very nice, especially because it was cold out. He kept me so warm. Hades knew better than to try taking Hythlo away. I get cold so easy and my little egg is so snuggly.

Most of your council sound like they've got sticks so far up their arses they could brush their teeth with them. I imagine there are few greater honours than a baby deciding you're they're favourite.

I just imagined Alisaie as a very small child doing this, because it is something she would have done. "Don't you have better things to do than interrupt playtime, your highness?"

She would probably say the same thing even now, if I'm honest. Sometimes I feel bad for poor Alphinaud, but he was also so insufferable when he was younger lol They kept each other in line.

The thought of being a mother is something that always scared me. To be the world to something so precious and vulnerable and wholly dependent on me, when the whole of the world depends upon me as well. As things are, even if I could have a child, it would be too dangerous.

I have some pictures from when I was turned small. I was six years old, so not quite a baby. I have pictures from when I was twelve as well. I was such a rude adolescent it's embarrassing. Verstael approached me asking for a sample and Kiyomi told him he was being creepy.

"Do you ask all the little girls here that?"

Ardbert has the whole audio saved, since Kiyomi called him from her pocket in case something happened.

Bahamut cannot smite you from here, don't worry.

Shite Noct those sound amazing. Better than the boring zombie dhalmels.

[...nightmares... he'd best not bring it up, then. She has enough on her plate.]

i dont mind the idea of sleeping all day. id totally sleep all morning if i thought cor would let me get away w/ it

ya i dont rly miss the council... i used 2 wonder what id do about them when i became king, like can i fire them?? i would want a council that cared about lucis not just insomnia, some of them didnt even want 2 let the refugees in. like come on we're all lucians quit bein a snob just bc ur rich. dad let them get away w/ stuff bc they were old families but he didnt like it either

i kinda know what u mean. i didnt think much about kids until the treaty came up & suddenly i was gonna get married. every1 was like ohhhh hows it feel?? but it was hard enuf to wrap my head around bein a husband nevermind starting a family. i kinda knew in the back of my mind that it had 2 happen tho, in a line like ours... we burn out fast u can't just sit around & take ur time with it. dad wasnt even 30 when i was born and they still had ppl griping in the papers that he didnt have an heir yet

i didnt want 2 have a kid & then die early on them either. theres no good answer ig

omg besithia srsly did that?? what is that guys problem, cant he b normal for even 5 mins. good that u told him off. hes so weird ugh.

here its a bad photo but we were kinda in the middle of fighting it

[Attached is a somewhat blurry obscured image of a deathclaw on a snowy landscape, swords swung in the background.]

Sleeping all morning is all right every now and then, but not every day. Perhaps once or twice a week? I have lost muscle tone from periods of too much idleness, though feel healthier in most other ways due to my body having an opportunity to rest.

Perhaps have the people of each region under Lucian rule vote for one of their own they'd like to sit on the council. Something like a parliament.

Ishgard has shifted into bicameral republic, with two parliaments — the House of Lords and the House of Commons. It is meant to ensure that both the highborns and the lowborns are represented equally within the government.

What is the point in being a king if you can't kick out the council and replace it with those who hold the best interests of all in mind, rather than the few?

Unless you're the Fae King, I suppose. The fae don't fuss over trivial matters like politics. I should ask Titania one day what they do... I honestly have no idea.

I can scarcely wrap my head around my impending matrimony, and it was my own choice. I wonder if it's like that, regardless? To suddenly be thinking of yourself as someone's spouse.

I am fortunate that Ardbert has no expectation of children. I had been so worried, because he would be such a wonderful father. But he was confused when I asked if he would resent me for it, because he had already known I wasn't able to lol

I wonder what would have happened if someone in your family line decided to not produce any offspring, or was incapable of it?

Dying and leaving a child without a parent is part of why I would never have one as things are. I don't expect to see past thirty summers, if I'm honest. I know I have people who would take care of any child I had, but I've seen too many children learn they've lost their mother or father.

Are you surprised? Kiyomi kept reminding him that she was twelve. She wasn't an aetherologist. It was embarrassing to listen to, but also interesting. Even if she didn't have the resources to learn, her theories on aetherology weren't wholly incorrect. She was quite smart.

I do feel somewhat bad for Verstael. If he's always struggled with socializing it's little wonder he grew into the man he is now.

Swivving hells Noct that looks like so much fun I want to fight one. Do they have tails?

I will send some pictures of Kiyo. One moment.

[ She finds some pictures Ardbert took of her at six years old, having been convinced to take off her headscarf indoors at the very least.

The little girl is painfully small, pale, and her stubby horns are jagged at the ends in a clearly unnatural way — the shape doesn't at all resemble the broad wings of Era's adult horns.

Still, Kiyo looks content and safe in each photo, and the images do well in showing how tiny Auri horns and tails are when they're children. ]

Horns and tails grow as we age, though stop at a certain size. Our horns can regrow, and I believe our tails can as well if given time and proper treatment.

i like sleeping in & staying up late, but every1 i know are morning ppl. it wasnt as big a problem in insomnia but outside the walls we had to camp or stay in at night bc of daemons so wakeup was 6am every morning bright and early. awful uuuugh no thank u

ill leave government rebuilding to ignis & gladio & whoever else wants it. lucis doesnt need any more kings after me, it'll be better off if the ppl can decide for themselves. i think if thats the legacy i leave behind id be ok w/ that somehow

u should probably ask some1 who actually managed to get married bc idk that one, sorry.

ummm idk actually, about ppl who had reasons 4 not having kids. like obv they managed bc we made it all the way to me eventually, but the line def had some hiccups. queen crepera got the throne bc her dad and bro died from daemons, but a lot of generations only had 1 kid i think? maybe 2 avoid fights over succession considering how the line started. but if she wasnt born then the line would have ended with her bro. so maybe it was just luck sometimes

oh i bet u would like her, she was badass

yea idk how to feel about besithia, like on 1 hand he's kind of? trying? w/ prompto? but on the other hand he's creepy and a nif, and i dont think i can ever NOT hate nifs for what theyve done... its complicated ig.

oh yeah deathclaws have huge tails, big as tree trunks. they hit like a truck too, literally broke all my ribs one time

how come u and kiyomi are like different ppl? its not just u as a kid?

shes super cute tho holy shit, little stubbies. ur right auri babies are great

Some people have different natural sleep patterns to others. You might consider trying a schedule that more closely aligns to your biology, but still allows for productive daytime hours.

Perhaps wake up at 10am, and continue your training and other work later to account for the difference. You may find yourself with more energy, and feel more alert. It would be a matter of trial and error; experimentation, to see what best works for you. I tend to stay up late and rise early, but take naps in the during the hottest parts of the day.

That would be a good legacy to leave behind. Even if you do survive, you can pretend that you didn't and go off to be an adventurer or chocobo rancher or whatever your heart desires instead. Leave the politics to people more fond of them.

Queen Crepera? She must have been interesting. All of the women leaders I've met have been forces to reckon with.

You were taught about your family's lineage?

I don't know Verstael's relationship to Prompto or yourself, or the rest of your family, so I cannot judge on that. I do find him... sad, I suppose. It must be a lonely life.

When I was younger I thought I hated all Garleans. It wasn't until later I understood that I hated what Garlemald stood for and not the people themselves. The ones that weren't subjugated and oppressed, forced into servitude of the empire, were almost always soldiers who were manipulated into believing lies.

Some of my greatest allies have been Garleans.

All men are capable of horrible, unspeakable cruelties. In the end it doesn't matter their race or creed. We are all equals. Equally capable of good, or evil.

So I would say... Do not hate Nifs just for being of Nifleheim. If you need to hate, hate individuals. Or hate the society that twisted humanity into its cruelest forms.

In the end, however, hatred is a waste. There is so much of it in the world. Imagine how much hatred shaped the lives of your enemies. What would they have been if circumstances were different?

I do my best to feel sadness and love for each enemy I slay. Even if they may have done loathsome things... No one deserves to feel hated in their final moments.

But that is just my experience.

Do they do the thing where they spin in a circle and use the momentum to knock everyone away, or is it just a tail smash? Also ouch, Noct. That always hurts. Were your lungs all right? Punctured lungs are the godsdamned worst. As if a broken rib isn't irritating enough, suddenly you can't breathe either. 🙄

You are twenty, or something thereabouts, aren't you?

I've no memory from before the age of twenty-one. Not a single thing. Until I was turned into a child I had assumed Hydaelyn made me, or breathed life back into a corpse and stuffed me into it.

I was Her Crystal Bearer, and her daughter. I chose to be Era.

I do not remember being Kiyo, or Kiyomi, or Aura. The memories I have now are akin to the faded memory of a dream. The memories of your childhood are clearer than my own will ever be.

Auri children are so very cute. If I have a child one day she will look entirely Auri, save for having fewer scales.

ive tried a few different things but ppl never let me get away with it. theres always something thats gotta get done, meetings or training or lessons w/e. getting up sucks but its easier than getting chewed out for being lazy

man i would love that tho... just do whatever i wanted with my life. thats the dream, never had that before
like in school we had those days where the teacher's all "what do u want to be when u grow up". how am i supposed to answer that lol

queen crepera was a badass. i think she was the first queen? so it was a big deal and ppl were such assholes about it she flipped them all off and did everything from the shadows like a ninja. they called her the rogue & her legends are terrifyingly cool

i learned a little bit about as many kings as we still have records for. the whole line is a legacy y'know? & we gather power through the souls of ancestors. its important 2 know that history

ya it can do a tail spin if i remember it right. lungs... ummm i coughed up some blood so probably! iggy had an elixir so it was fine

i dont mean i hate ALL nifs. im not a kid i understand like, nuance and shit. but we dont rly get to meet avg citizens so i have no idea what theyre like for the most part. its said that the emperor is loved by his ppl but that same emperor has been killing OUR ppl for decades so it doesn't paint a good picture. plus the commanders weve fought are like, cartoonishly evil, i half expected a solid "mwahaha" out of them. i hate those guys. they just want 2 hurt ppl

aranea and her guys are cool tho, and they're from niflheim. & she had the sense to get herself out when she saw how bad things were getting. not every1 had that chance, & a lot of ppl probably died when the daemons took over gralea. i can kind of get that some1 like besithia who is rly loyal to the emperor might balk at the idea of either of them being evil and destroying their own country

i cant be as nice as you tho. you dont remember your early years and that sucks, im sorry. but i remember mine. 20 yrs of war & ppl coming into the city with nothing bc niflheim took everything from them & killed everyone they love. they attacked tenebrae & killed the oracle just 2 kill me and my dad. their daemon almost cripped me. they infected kids w/ starscourge & kept making monsters even after they owned the world. i don't know how 2 not be angry about it. im not sad when they die trying to kill me

[...that sounds really dour though, so-]

in their defense they make cute babies too

It isn't laziness to work with your body rather than against it, but that is understandable. If you ever wish to take a nap one afternoon, you're welcome to come over. I can also teach you to use a proper bow, if you like. I believe I made the same offer to Prompto, but didn't have the supplies at the time.

Likewise, if you would like or need any training with a greataxe, Ardbert would be thrilled to assist.

What would you do? If you had a chance to just be Noctis — a future — what would you enjoy most? It is worth thinking about, even if it may never happen.

She sounds wonderful. What were her weapons of choice? I know some shinobi, and they are formidable allies. The art of the shinobi in my world originated with my people, the Raen.

You've elixirs that can cure shattered ribs? That's incredible Noct (°ロ°) !

My apologies — I hadn't meant to imply it was childish. You would be surprised at how many grown men and women who paint all Garleans with the same broad stroke. So much hatred.

I've met a few Garleans like your Aranea. The lucky few who saw where things were headed and found a way to leave. I'm glad she and her companions escaped Nifleheim. It means there must be others like her. Hopefully they all find their way to refuge.

Gaius van Baelsar was once a Garlean general. He was tasked with conquering Eorzea. He failed, and once he saw that the empire was willing to destroy Eorzea he began to have doubts. He truly, honestly believed that conquering us 'savages' would bring us peace and enlightenment, or some gobshite like that. He was actually the one who told me I had the power to rule. He had a big, long speech trying to convince me to join his cause.

He was manipulated and lied to, and as a result he was a ruthless man. I felt no remorse when I believed him dead by my actions.

Then he reappeared one day, returning a comatose Alphinaud to us. He saved my little brother. He saved my baby brother and brought him back to us when we feared him dead.

Hard as it may be to understand, people who are loyal to their leaders trust them. They trust that even seemingly horrific acts are done with foresight and a purpose for the greater good of their people. Or they are simply told lies about what is being done, where Nifleheim or Garlemald may have instigated an attack resulting in the deaths of their own, they can say that it was the Lucians or the Eorzeans who did it.

Their people cling to their trust as the world crumbles around them, because otherwise they would crumble too.

Do you mind if I tell you a story? It is one of a war between dragons and 'elves'. It was what gave me understanding, where before I felt only unending anger.

[ And speaking of anger, she can't help but feel a spark of resentment at how easily he dismisses her. She takes a moment to push it aside because she knows it's because he does not and will not ever be able to understand it, and she would never wish for him to. ]

I will never be able to comprehend living so many years, so I will never truly be able to understand. I'm so incredibly sorry for all that you have suffered through, and will continue to suffer through. If I've been dismissive of you it was never my intent.

But please

Noct
it's

However easily I may share it with you, not a single soul in my home worlds know the true extent of my amnesia. They will never know of the detailed journals I keep. They will never know that each time I fall asleep there is a moment where I fear this may be the last thing I ever remember. That I will wake up in the morn an empty slate once again, forgetting all the things I hold so dear.

Ardbert knows, and Hades knew. I've hinted at it before with Ardyn, but never told him.

I have near five years of memories from home. A majority of my memories are horrible. I see the worst of humanity more often than I see the good. Over half of my life has been spent in active war. I've lost so many friends I cannot count them any longer.

After Haurchefant was killed I spent so much time being angry. I was so filled with hatred. I wanted to lash out. To hurt all those around me. I was tired of losing everything I held dear to me.

I slaughtered the man who killed my brother. He died by a blade fueled by anger, resentment, and hatred.

It only served to make me feel worse. I did not kill Ser Zephirin — I murdered him, Noct. I could argue it was self-defense, but in my heart of hearts I know that is a lie.

Since that day I've made sure to wield my weapons out of a desire to protect, not a desire for vengeance. It isn't a matter of being nice. It is a matter of never wanting to feel like that again. I never want to become like those I kill.

And so I make sure to always feel compassion for those whose lives I must take. Not just for them, but for myself.

You are such a kind person, Noct. I don't want you to ever feel like I did back then.

pfft if it isnt laziness someone tell gladio that. its fine here tho, i can nap all i want after i make it through training. its not so bad

im pretty good w/ axe polearms, if i ever get one here tho i can get practice in with him. shooting a real bow might be cool too

if i had a choice... gods idk. i like drawing. i had a blast doing all the designing and dev work for kings knight here. i liked doing the volunteer work back home, with animals & kids. i was just happy helping ppl i think? sounds kind of lame but i liked being a hunter. or adventurer ig by ur worlds standard. but thinking about "what if" is depressing as hell.

her weapon's this gigantic shuriken, 4 points, each side's as long as my arm. works like normal shurikens with the armiger tho bc i can just call it back and keep tossing it. its pretty good

theres some rly good elixirs that heal almost any damage, but theyre sourced from rly rare ingredients so we had 2 be careful. it was mostly just me & gladio fighting that day so to be a man down was real bad, made it worth using it

some things can be excused by bad leadership, i know that. aranea was lied to plenty as well. but theres some stuff that theres no excuse for. its hard to draw the line between, i just know i cant be so forgiving of the ones who cross it. im not sorry for that

u can tell a story, ill listen.

[He does take a moment's pause before he continues, because... yeah, that was a lot.]

im sorry. i didnt mean to make light of it. get p self centered when I'm pissed off & the nifs piss me off like almost nothing else except maybe that asshole. doesnt make it ok tho

i hope you get your memories back. i cant imagine how scary that would be, id be freaked out too if that happened to me. i understand a little- obv not like that but after marilith i lost a lot of myself. iggy used to tell me how different i was but i dont remember it at all. i knew ppl and where home was and i recognized my own stuff but its like my brain couldnt remember who i was, like all that happened & suddenly i woke up in tenebrae a whole new person. i dont like to hear that i was someone else b4, like marilith took that from me too. but whoever i was back then isnt who i am now and i like who i am mostly.

i like who u are now too, i hope you keep the memories u earned by everything u went through from now on whatever else happens

i did feel that hate for izunia. idk if i still do but he

[.....]

after altissia it felt like he took everything from me. i wanted so badly to find him again and make him feel what i felt somehow. when he showed up i didnt even think about what he was saying to me, i just saw his face and wanted to carve it off his body

it wasnt him though. his magic can make other ppl look and sound different, and he changed prompto to himself & neither of us knew it. i almost killed him

i dont want to hate so much that it blinds me into hurting my friends. next time i saw him i listened & waited until i knew it was him, & from now on ill do the same again. i dont know if i can feel compassion for some1 like him, even now that i know his whole story, not after what he did. but when i kill him itll be for the world, not revenge. i think i can manage at least that much

If he ever arrives here I can supply you with scientific evidence about differing circadian rhythms.

I can teach you how to make one. We would need the materials, and purchase time at the forge, but a simple polearm is hardly a challenge. I may actually have the metal on hand for the axe head, since I've been trying to gather enough for a greatsword. I haven't been able to acquire enough scraps of consistent quality to forge a blade the size I need. It is frustrating.

Would you like to design something for my wedding?

Oh, that sounds very useful. Shinobi have a spell where they create a shuriken out of aether, but it is not something they can do in rapid succession. How do you manage to throw it effectively without cutting yourself? I'm unfamiliar with the movement needed to throw one.

I will tell you of the Dragonsong War another day. The thousand year war between Ishgard and the Dravanians. Perhaps I will share it with the network. Enough people seem enthralled by the fantastical aspects of my reality that they may enjoy it.

It's all right, Noct. I know you didn't. I'm just sensitive with regards to memory. I think it may be why the Echo strikes me as it does — there is so much empty space to be filled. Like a sponge.

What you describe is a common side-effect of experiences such as yours. Your brain was protecting itself as best it could. Who you were after and who you are now is a testament to your will. I like this person you are now.

I'm so sorry. I have never been placed in a situation like that... I can only imagine how awful it was. I'm glad Prompto survived, and you chose to learn from such a horrible experience.

Have compassion for the person he was, but not the one he became. Kill him for the world, and for your family. Put an end to it.

lol ok i would actually like to see that, put a pin in it

ive never done forging before. probably better left in more expert hands lol... might be neat to see it done. do u know about making other stuff? like not weapons

uhhhh i mean i could try and design a thing but im not a pro or anything... its just something i do in my free time. what r u thinking?

the royal arms work with w/ the armiger a different way than our normal weapons, so part of it is skill and the other part is just kinda levitation ig. it can fly at weird angles and duplicate itself, its super not a normal shuriken so idk how to explain how it works lol
if it ever shows up ill let u see a demo. sry i cant just hand it over tho

ya i get that. probably why the memories stick so well, with less other memories to push them out. itd be good if there was a way to, idk, separate that tho. not the echo but the way the memory thing works. u should get to keep your own memories & not fill your head with other ppls. thats not great for every1 involved i think. not that im mad about it, not ur fault, its just kinda... idk. invasive? like its stuff that has a lot of meaning so the impacts rly bad on both sides
ugh ugh idk how to say what i mean, am i making any sense??

i guess i dont have much of a choice about how it gets done. with izunia i mean. like apparently ill have ten years to sit around thinking about it so maybe when i wake up ill feel a lil more charitible about it. hard to say b4 it happens u know?

Most of what I learned was out of necessity — so accessories, foci, weaponry, and armor. I know how to make basic potions, healing remedies, and enchanted inks for my arcanima. I've made a few clockwork automatons, though I wouldn't call myself an expert. They require time I often didn't have to spare.

I used to make toys for children at the orphanages. Little things, like wooden boats or swords. My favourite was making plush toys they could hold close at night; soft and warm, with a core of fragrant herbs to soothe them.

I also made toys for Dravanian children sometimes, when I visit my dragon friends. The dragonets were especially curious about airships one day, bothering a poor knight who just wanted to deliver supplies. He couldn't understand them, so I translated and he thought it was quite cute. Children were children, even if they were dragons. He let me have some scrap to make the trio each a toy airship of their own and they flew off with them immediately, tossing them into the air and letting them fall deep into the Sea of Clouds before chasing them.

I could use something to decorate my horns, but doesn't cover them. The 'aesthetic' will be the night sky, filled with sparkling stars.

And if it wouldn't cause offense, I would like to incorporate something Lucian into the decorations somehow. Your family is important to me. It would feel wrong not to acknowledge that in some way.

So far I've only truly seen simple blades used as a target for teleporting, and even that was very impressive to me. To hear that you can do all of these other things as well is very, very cool and makes me a little bit jealous! I love hitting targets with projectiles, but being limited by my ammunition is frustrating lol It's part of why I favour magic.

Yes, I spoke to Ardbert of it before. At home I never felt guilty because it always provided information that would help me, and was obvious it would help me in some way. The Echo was also common enough that a majority of people have an awareness of it.

Here, it has felt... Very invasive. It feels wrong, like it's something dirty. I don't know how to control it, but I know it can be controlled. I have been working on keeping my soul from reaching out to others since that's the only thing I can think of that could help prevent visions, but it is painful. Hemera loves so deeply. When someone around me is sad she wants to reach out and comfort them. To fight against the nature of your soul is a difficult thing, but I'm not sure what else to do. I will keep trying to figure something out.

While I'm sure there is a lot I could say about that, I suddenly find my mind filled with colourfully uncharitable thoughts so numerous I can't decide on any in particular.

i ask bc elemental magic is rly difficult for me, but when we have flasks to carry it i can do some spellcrafting ahead of time & its pretty useful, and safer for every1. but i dont rly have flasks here so my magics too wild to rly be any good. if we could figure out how 2 make magic flasks that would be a+

omg... do u have pictures of baby dragons bc holy shit that sounds cute too. ive never seen a baby dragon just like full-sized underground dragon monsters lol

ok. if u can send me a couple pics of u, like from side and front where the horns r visible and center i can try some stuff. stars... so sparkly ig? maybe silver. yeah i think that would b ok

i cant speak for all of us but i dont think any1 would find it offensive. if u want lucian u could try skulls wings or chrysanthemums
...ya not very wedding-friendly lol

i think u would like the shield of the just. its uses life to power itself for offense but uses magic to heal on defense. using it is kind of a cool balancing act between the two. that 1 i can show u if u want, i have it here. wait and have u never seen the armiger fully activated? its pretty awesome. it looks waaaay better with all the royal arms but i can do the baby version rn

i cant see one of us getting mad @ u for the echo memories, so at least ur safe with it, but idk. be careful i guess. some1 who doesn't know u could freak out and try 2 hurt u for something like that, & i know u can kick ass but echos kinda leave u vulnerable too right? so yeah maybe dont tell ppl if it happens unless u know theyll b cool about it. at least until ur back on ur feet after.

huh?

oh

shit

hey can u do me a favour and just forget i said that thing cool ok thx

Are the flasks themselves enchanted in some way, or do they simply need to be made of a specific material? In theory it shouldn't be difficult.

I made a figurine of Midgardsormr as a dragonet. I will fetch it for pictures. One moment.

[ She takes a few pictures of the clay figurine she sculpted of the Father of Dragons (in his baby form), painted with careful accuracy and given glass eyes that look quite realistic.

She then also sends along a picture of her horns from the front and side, camera held out at a distance with one hand while the other pulls her hair away from the horn she's focusing on. Then she sends along another picture of her horns from behind (clearly taken for her by Ardbert, as there are limits to even her flexibility), hair pulled up and away from her horns to better show the way they flare outward. ]

I was thinking of making small crystals from glass to create a sparkling effect. I'll likely be doing that regardless, then sewing them into my skirt along with aetherially conductive thread.

Chrysanthemums are lovely. I have some in my garden. They symbolize 'honesty', and would go well with thistles. Ishgardian flowers and Lucian flowers. I will come up with something, thank you.

I'm not sure I understand. By 'life' are you referring to one's vigour?

If I am entirely honest I don't actually know much about the armiger. I know:
» you can teleport using it
» you can put things in it like my inventory
» you can share it with people
» it has very cool weapons ?
» it is an inheritance

What do you mean by 'fully activated'?

I have never been attacked whilst having a vision. It is something I've never considered before. Do you think anyone here would hurt me? Should I let them, if they do? It may make them feel better. The Echo takes control away from them, and harming me may give them back that sense of control.

I do have a strong history of forgetting things.

I'll be sure not to bring it up, Noct.

just a bunch of zenos spoilers here ig

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