carbungle | IC Contact

[He blinks at her in return, surprised, though in retrospect he probably shouldn't be. She always seems to feel so much more intensely than he, so it makes sense that she might have felt it at the same time, if not before. Perhaps it's just his self-doubt getting in the way again- that he ought not be worthy of love from someone like this. He'd felt unworthy of Ignis, too.

Still, the thought of hearing it... he can't help that spark of hope fluttering in his chest, suddenly.]

You can say whatever you want, whenever you want.

[ It blurts out of her as soon as he gives her permission, intense and desperate, as if she's been holding it back for a long while: ] I love you.

[ There's a pause as she draws her breath, her free hand pressing tightly over the edge of the deck they sit upon, not to hold herself back, but to find a way to ground herself because she feels as if she's already floating away. This seems surreal. This is happening, inopportune circumstance aside. ]

...I love you. [ She repeats again. ] The way you smile. The way you sometimes smile mischievously, the way your eyebrows do that-- that thing when you're thinking really hard or working, the way you take time to style your hair the way you want it to be, the way you always listen, the way you surprise me every time you're insightful or notice something new, the way you can talk and... and talk with empathy and care and love, how you fight and how you push on-- [ The more she continues, the more breathless she sounds. Her cheeks are as red as roses during their first bloom. She's flustered, but she does not stop. She knows she's rambling, she's done it before in front of him, but she's been holding back so much of what she's wanted to say to him.

And now she gets to say it. ]

I love your eyes. I love the way you hold me, I love how you kiss becaue you kiss so wonderfully, I love how you take time to relax, I love how you always seek to understand, I love how you do understand, I love-- I love your you eyes, I love your smile, [ She repeats, quieter now. ] I love you.

[....Well. That was an answer. That... sure was an answer.

He's overwhelmed, obviously. It goes without saying, shows clear as day on his expression, completely flummoxed by how not only did she return it in kind, she's bombarded those antsy insecurities like she knew every single one of them was there, tearing down walls of worry inch by inch with every declaration, placing herself firmly like a shield between him and whatever was holding him back before.

He remembers, back when they'd exchanged those first kisses, his concern that she might not truly want him, that he was deemed worthy of it only by merit of sharing a face with the one she missed and wanted to be with instead. It was nothing against her, of course, but rather a question of why would someone choose him, when someone as cool and strong and certain as Somnus was there first to give her the sort of understanding that few could offer, who accepted her hand without hesitation and shared his space with her. Why, why, why, he'd wondered.

Because of the way he smiles, is her response. Because of- eyebrows? Because of grooming habits, because he listens and speaks and is kind - not too soft, not cowardly like Gladio said, not unfocused or sleepy or lazy but good, because he's good and she's okay with all of that-

He wants to cry, suddenly, pitifully, for all he's lost and all he's gained, for the kindness in her words and the love in her eyes, for how deeply and truly he believes her and all that she's saying. For the love she's expressing, words spilling from her lips like she'd been full to bursting. Like she, too, had been waiting for the right moment and here it was, when he's reached a low enough point to realize that these things truly must be said before it's too late. She'd been waiting. He always keeps people waiting.

Instead he leans in, pressing his lips against hers, hard and fierce and brief, murmuring as he pulls back.] I love you. [It's so- freeing, suddenly, to say it. Like that first kiss, knowing she felt it, wanted it, a dam bursting and allowing him to feel it. Another kiss, softer, less desperate.] I love you for that, how you can go on and on like that, how you can just- say that. [How she can build him up, and up, and up when he's feeling so low, how she's there to warm him when cold misery and lonely thoughts sink their claws into his head. How she can think on the spot a dozen things she loves about him, when all he can offer is,] Thank you. I love you. I do.

[ By the time he kisses her, she's crying, herself. By he second kiss, she's smiling. Happy, sad, bittersweet, joy, sorrow, overwhelmed she gives back his kiss with one of her own, fierce and powerful and as desperate to convey her feelings as her words had been. Her hand upon the deck lifts his chin, cheek, and then to the side of his head, running fingers through his styled hair-- ]

I love you.

[ She parts from him to parrot his words, pressing her forehead to his as she lets out a choked laugh, so deeply emotional that at last, perhaps, she considers herself just a step more towards being human, for no one but someone who is human could make such a sound. ]

I love you because you are so good. [ Good in the way very few could be, and the way she could never be. He's honest, sincere, genuine and true to himself. He can pose as royalty, but he can peruse his own interests. He can see his mistakes and learn from them, he can admit to his own flaws, his need to improve. He can laugh at himself, he can joke with others. How is he so good?

It's almost unfair that someone like him exists only to perish. It's unfair how deeply she is in love with him, that almost makes her want to throw caution and rationale away to want to change-- everything for him.

When she opens her eyes, she gazes into a sea of blue, his blue, and loses herself to the stars reflected in them. ] Everything you do... everything that you are...

You're dazzling.

[Oh gods, oh jeez. He laughs weakly, the sound short and soft and muffled against her cheek as he leans in again, dragging her in to hold her.]

Don't cry, don't cry, c'mon. I'm not so dazzling that you have to cry about it.

[He turns his head, kissing whatever tears he might find off her cheek. He knows that isn't why, but he'd rather she laugh than cry over this. Even if it's joyful tears, he'd rather just see her smile. She's still complimenting him, but there's no need for it; he really can't keep up at all, still reeling from that first round she'd delivered swiftly enough to leave herself breathless. He's already happy. The sorrow of losing Ignis still lingers, of course, the same way he misses Gladio and Luna and home, gods he misses home so badly. But he has moments like this here, not there, where pain and death and a long sleep await him. Here he can hold her (which she loves) and kiss her (which she loves) and smile back at her (which she loves). Right here, right now, he does all of these things in order.]

You dazzle me too, you know that? I don't even know what to say anymore. You're so far ahead I might never catch up.

[ Her head tilts into his kisses at her cheek, taking away her tears with his lips. His affection is a balm upon the ache of her heart for him. By the time he pulls away, she's smiling, bringing up her free hand to wite at her opposite cheek. ]

I think the same thing about you, you know.

It's as if-- [ She takes another breath to steady her voice, unable to hide back her awe. ] Sometimes, I think... you're untouchable.

[ But here they both are, both existing, and both doing the same thing they've done with each other before with exchanging gifts without the other knowing they'd be given one: they're thinking the same of each other. Dazzling? Her? His touch, kiss, and smile is what she needs to be reassured. ]

I'm just... so happy that you're here.

[He makes a faintly disagreeable noise at that, drawing her back a little. Untouchable... she's said a few things that in retrospect make him wonder and worry, and he'd rather deal with it than let it fester. He's left so many things unsaid already.]

Stop... stop doing that. I know you don't mean anything bad by it, but I don't want to be on a pedestal or anything. It's just me, okay?

[He's been on a pedestal for most of his life, as prince or Chosen or whatever- living under the weight of expectations too heavy to lift sometimes. He doesn't want or need it from her. He doesn't want her to think she doesn't deserve at least as much as him, if not more. He closes his eyes for a moment, then looks back at her, brows furrowed and serious.]

Don't think you need to be worthy of me or anything. What we've got going is good for both of us.

[ She wants to argue that she's doing no such thing: he is that incredible to her... yet, she considers his words. The root cause of her feeling unworthy is that she feels she cannot match is goodness, the same goodness that's brought tears to her eyes, a smile to her face, and the feeling of having a heart. ]

That's not fair... because at the same time, I feel you really don't know how wonderful you are. [ Her hand falls from the back of his head to his shoulder. ] I can't match your light, Noct, but I love being by it.

[ But he's saying that she's good enough for him. He's said he loves her. She believes that-- the proof is here-- as much as it contradicts how unworthy she feels. How strange.

So, she amends: ]

I think--... What I'm trying to say is that... I want to be better for you.

Edited 2020-08-05 02:34 (UTC)

You don't have to be that, either.

[He leans in, bumping his forehead against hers and keeping it there, simply wanting to be close and soak in her presence.]

Just be you. That's all I want.

[They can sit here running circles around one another about how the other is wonderful and kind and good, fine, whatever. But it's not a bar that either of them should have to set and stick by all the time. There are going to be days when he's not wonderful. Her too, surely. The idea of her expectations of him remaining so high for so long is honestly terrifying.]

[ Just be herself...

They are different in this regard. She's had the luxury to be herself-- or what construct she has of herself-- this entire time, Mythra notwithstanding and some faded memories notwithstanding. Meanwhile, she presumes, he hadn't had that same luxury to be himself for a long while what with being a prince and having to keep up appearances. She knows he speaks from his heart that he doesn't want that anymore, he doesn't want others to need to pretend who they're not in front of him, just as he doesn't want to be anyone else but himself.

She also suspects that he's saying that she should be herself as she is right now. She doesn't have to think of herself as less. ]

Then you should know that the me that I am... loves you. [ With her forehead pressed to his, she closes her eyes. If he says that's enough, she can do that. She can be herself in that regard. That's easy, natural. Loving him comes so splendidly. ]

You should also know I've never been more myself than when I've been with you. [ Because she feels safe-- safe to laugh, to cry, to joke-- because he knows so much of her, because he's made her feel joy many times over. ]

[This time, his responding hum is positive, his hand sliding up to brush calloused fingers over her cheek.]

...I like that. [He likes hearing it, again and again and again.] Don't stop that part.

[He's seen the changes, big and small; how she's able to speak more honestly with him than she had in the beginning, share parts of herself she'd held secret so carefully. It's an honour to be trusted in that way, and that's something he never wants to break or misuse, even accidentally. As long as they're together, he hopes that she can always feel safe enough to be herself.]

[ As always, she leans into his textured touch. The reason she's able to be more open with him, to be herself, is not only because he understands and accepts, but because he listens. In this very unique regard among others in this world and her own, he's kind. ]

It comes with feeling brave....

But I think that-- you beat us to the point, this time. In saying "I love you".

[ She wanted to say it. She had wanted to say it for a very long while. ]

Well... you kissed first. It was my turn, I guess.

[He lifts his shoulders in a slight shrug.]

You can take the wheel for whatever's next, if you want.

I'm only happy that you said it.

[ Although she giggles at the end of it, relieved and satisfied, it's not as merry a sound as it could be. No matter what, this is still a bittersweet topic in light of the circumstances.

Him saying he loves her brings that topic back to the light: that it shouldn't just be her that gets to hear it, even if the meaning to others is less romantic. ] What's next is.... others getting to hear it, too.

[The smile slips away from his expression, changing to pursed lips and a lowered gaze. Right... right. It was a nice moment, and the distraction was so very welcome, but he can't forget the reason for it.]

...Yeah. [He exhales, a soft and cautious sigh.] No right time, huh.

[This, too, requires bravery. They'll ask questions. Some might laugh at how out of character it is for him to say. They might not understand. But like now- would he regret that more than how he regrets not being more honest with Ignis before he disappeared?]

[ No right time, would saying it be too much for him-- is what she had been worried about, stalling her tongue before. Now that she's finally said it in return, she feels as if that's all she wants to say over and over again, or encourage it from him.

Pyra turns slightly where she sits, so that she's able to rest her head upon his shoulder. ] Mm... I understand.

[ A lesson learned, this time. Late is better than never. The both of them know that time is short in their own worlds, and that their presence here is at the whim of an impromptu force no one understands. ]

But, you said it here. It's a start. You can do it.

[He makes a soft affirmative noise, tilting so his head can rest against hers in turn. He's certainly not going to jump up and start proclaiming his love at random to his friends or family right now- like that, it might feel too insincere, born out of panic after losing Ignis. It's lucky that Pyra accepted his words at face value rather than feeling that way instead. At least, if she does feel that way, she isn't saying so. He'll believe as much unless told otherwise, because the idea of hurting her with an "I love you" feels like too much of a misfire in the state he's in already. She's happy, as far as he can tell. That's enough for him.

And like she said... it's a start.]

I don't know what else to do. There's- nothing really to do about him leaving, but I can't just act like normal either.

You... shouldn't have to act 'like normal'. It's okay to feel this way.

[ He's entitled to those feelings, and she doubts anyone would or should expect him overcome another loss so soon. Will he ever catch a break, she wonders. It's been one poor circumstance or loss after another with him... ]

Would you like to reminisce about him? Or-- distract yourself? [ Like fishing. ]

[Does he? A fair question, but the answer elludes him. Thinking about Ignis hurts. He doesn't like that, when so much else hurts already. Forgetting isn't an option either - it would be impossible - but dwelling on it too much feels worse.

Maybe he's just running away again. Even if that's the case, it's... tempting. To at least try and forget a while.]

I'm... thinking distraction. It's probably better for everyone.

[Hell, even if it trips and fails with him, at least she might enjoy herself.]

[ Distraction it will be, because it's what he wants. At the very least they've talked here, which is a start. It can be either fishing or King's Knight. One is quieter and he'll be able to still think if he wishes, the other will have an outlet for venting frustration or grief in a physical way, if needed. Both seem like good opportunities for distraction.

However... ]

But what is better for you?

[ Now is not the time for him to think of everyone! ]

Aren't I a part of "everyone"?

[It's probably good for him not to be dwelling on these things too much, as well.]

[ That's not exactly her point, and she's fairly certain that he knows that. But with that, she'll let the topic slide. ]

All right. [ Gently, ] Then... Fishing? Or King's Knight.

[It's also tempting to say "both", but money and time isn't infinite. He still has responsibilities, even if they're much more limited here.]

...King's Knight okay? I wanna bash some heads for a while.

[After everything that's happened recently, he's neglected his account somewhat. He needs to get his score back up to where it belongs, or people will really notice something's wrong with him.]

[ Pyra makes to stand, giving his hand a gentle, encouraging tug to help him up. ]

Let's bash in all the heads together.

[Even if he's running away... he's okay with that, so long as she's encouraging him to keep moving. He stands as she pulls, squeezing her hand appreciatively, and lets her lead the way out of the garden.]

IC Contact | Hugtopia

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject