[The already shaky smile dropped off Ardyn's face, hand moving to his right arm.]
I....wasn't expecting it would leave a mark, that's all. I didn't think anything could, after what happened on Angelgard.
[If swords and crossbows didn't manage to leave scars anymore, it was easy to assume nothing would.]
Until I understood what it was I was contending with, I wasn't fully realizing what I was even doing. Even so, it wasn't as if I could stop and leave you like that. I have more than enough scars already, a few in addition is no terrible thing compared to knowing you lived through whatever the hell happened there.
[Ah. Yeah... yeah, that. Noctis glances down at his hand, at the circled mark of the ring and the dark veins. It's... eerie, in retrospect. How much the scars left by the ring of the Lucii, a holy artifact from the gods, looks an awful lot like Starscourge.]
It was... trying to protect me, I think. [He twists his hands together uncomfortably, fingers rubbing against the mark.] Those wounds on Pyra... I did that. The ring was...
[He grimaces, ducking his head. Why didn't he think to take it off? He only wore it on a whim today, it served no purpose. Did it really help him in the end, or just cause more damage to everyone?]
It was trying to shield me. But I can't make shields, I never could. Instead it just lashes out at whatever's trying to hurt me. Since the source of danger was inside me... [He shifts his arms closer to his chest, cradling his hand carefully.] ...I don't know. As usual, my magic doesn't know what the hell it's doing.
It's...difficult, isn't it? Realizing you hurt someone else out of instinct, self-preservation, or merely by complete accident.
[He said that quietly, staring at nothing in particular as he tried to work through his thoughts. Lashing out in self-defense was Ardyn's own worst nightmare, and he was finding it difficult to navigate the right thing to say as a result.]
[It wasn't the first time he'd drawn his own parallel between the ring and the scourge, but he hated it no less for the underlining of the point.]
...I've no doubt all three of us are blaming ourselves in some measure. We're rather terrible at doing much else, aren't we?
[Of either issue, really. He'd called it an accident, and he still does believe that for the most part, but he would rather take any blame onto his own shoulders than let either of them carry it. His choice, Ardyn's choice, Pyra's item and her choice to let him try. They'd both wanted to help someone, and she'd allowed herself to be helped. He's pretty sure she feels worse about it than he does.]
Pyra's forcing herself too much. I've told her, but can you keep an eye out for me while you're around?
We've time enough for me to make my best effort, at least. [The board appeared out of his armory with a flash, Ardyn setting it up in practiced motions.]
About... the handicap? I could've sworn you did. One piece in excess of...
[...Wait. Wait, hang on. He glances down at the board, the words buzzing in his head.]
Victory... means nothing if not achieved on equal footing...
[They're not his, they're not Ardyn's, they're...
...ah. Shit.]
Oh my god. [Noct stares down at the board for a handful of seconds, then grabs his pillow and just. Yells into it, the noise muffled. And again, for good measure. Then he fishes the Ring of the Lucii out of his pocket and holds it up in front of Ardyn, eyes narrowed.]
This is bull, I'm not even wearing it. Tell your brother to shut up and keep his memories to himself!
[He knows it's not Ardyn's fault and probably can't be helped, but dammit, enough is enough.]
Believe me, I wish I could. [Ardyn smiled hesitantly, a little shaken by the unexpected turn the conversation had taken. At least he had a second to collect himself while Noctis was yelling angrily into a pillow. He ran a hand through his hair, laughing quietly to himself. Almost to himself, he added:]
no subject
I....wasn't expecting it would leave a mark, that's all. I didn't think anything could, after what happened on Angelgard.
[If swords and crossbows didn't manage to leave scars anymore, it was easy to assume nothing would.]
Until I understood what it was I was contending with, I wasn't fully realizing what I was even doing. Even so, it wasn't as if I could stop and leave you like that. I have more than enough scars already, a few in addition is no terrible thing compared to knowing you lived through whatever the hell happened there.
no subject
It was... trying to protect me, I think. [He twists his hands together uncomfortably, fingers rubbing against the mark.] Those wounds on Pyra... I did that. The ring was...
[He grimaces, ducking his head. Why didn't he think to take it off? He only wore it on a whim today, it served no purpose. Did it really help him in the end, or just cause more damage to everyone?]
It was trying to shield me. But I can't make shields, I never could. Instead it just lashes out at whatever's trying to hurt me. Since the source of danger was inside me... [He shifts his arms closer to his chest, cradling his hand carefully.] ...I don't know. As usual, my magic doesn't know what the hell it's doing.
no subject
[He said that quietly, staring at nothing in particular as he tried to work through his thoughts. Lashing out in self-defense was Ardyn's own worst nightmare, and he was finding it difficult to navigate the right thing to say as a result.]
[It wasn't the first time he'd drawn his own parallel between the ring and the scourge, but he hated it no less for the underlining of the point.]
...I've no doubt all three of us are blaming ourselves in some measure. We're rather terrible at doing much else, aren't we?
no subject
[Of either issue, really. He'd called it an accident, and he still does believe that for the most part, but he would rather take any blame onto his own shoulders than let either of them carry it. His choice, Ardyn's choice, Pyra's item and her choice to let him try. They'd both wanted to help someone, and she'd allowed herself to be helped. He's pretty sure she feels worse about it than he does.]
Pyra's forcing herself too much. I've told her, but can you keep an eye out for me while you're around?
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
[He feels kind of guilty about that, but what can he do? His energy reserves are still so low even on a good day. Sugar's helping, at least...
With an annoyed exhale, he flops backwards against the pillow.]
God, I hate this. Stasis always sucks, but this is kind of a nightmare.
no subject
no subject
[He'd rather be a little tired than starving; his body's going to be enough of a mess as is when this is over. Missing out on exercise and all...]
Plus, I'm not... super into the whole isolation thing. I like going out.
[He's lonely and won't say it, but don't leave him.]
no subject
[Maybe he wanted company, too. Just maybe.]
no subject
[He shifts to sit up again, half to force himself awake. Though he doesn't especially want to talk about what's been on his mind, so... hmm.]
Know any ancient card games?
no subject
[
triple triad]I do still have that chessboard with me, though.
no subject
Ugh, you can try. Ignis sure as hell did, but I never got the hang of the rules.
[Maybe he shouldn't have been learning alongside a genius tactician, but it's not like he had a bunch of other friends lining up to teach him.]
no subject
Besides, it's not terribly difficult.
no subject
[To the invalid who's just grateful he can get to the bathroom and back without passing out.
Still, rather than objecting further he shifts himself over on the bed to make room for the board, seemingly agreeable to at least trying.]
no subject
[kids today.]
no subject
Fine, fine. Hand me some pieces, I think I at least remember how to set it up.
no subject
no subject
One piece per year would be too much, you'd have none left. I'm thinking one per thousand?
no subject
[Ardyn answered without thinking about the request, then froze in place in the middle of picking up one of his pawns.]
Wait...what?
no subject
What? [??? What did he say. Or is it the pieces? He glances down at the arrangement.] Did I get it wrong?
no subject
[Ardyn looked at the piece in his hand, then back at Noctis.]
I don't...remember telling you about that.
no subject
[...Wait. Wait, hang on. He glances down at the board, the words buzzing in his head.]
Victory... means nothing if not achieved on equal footing...
[They're not his, they're not Ardyn's, they're...
...ah. Shit.]
Oh my god. [Noct stares down at the board for a handful of seconds, then grabs his pillow and just. Yells into it, the noise muffled. And again, for good measure. Then he fishes the Ring of the Lucii out of his pocket and holds it up in front of Ardyn, eyes narrowed.]
This is bull, I'm not even wearing it. Tell your brother to shut up and keep his memories to himself!
[He knows it's not Ardyn's fault and probably can't be helped, but dammit, enough is enough.]
no subject
...You know, actually, I never did tell him.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)